God must be a Magpie
One of the [many] things I hate about Christmas is the amount of crap you accumulate. I'm not talking about the unwanted speaking socks that Uncle Eric bought you, or any of the commercial gift packs of girl smellies/boy smellies/razors/chocolates/booze that you now have cluttering up your front room. I mean all the accompanying shit.

Tinsel.

Ribbons.

Those stupid bundles of twigs with glitter that shed like a dying cat.

Around 90% of the debris we have suddenly accumulated on the floor of the sitting room is shiny, and it's all for Christmas, which leads me to my conclusion. God is a magpie. He wants us to celebrate Christmas apparently, and I think it's all an excuse so that he can collect all the shiny crap when it gets thrown out and use it to line his nest. Jesus sits at God's right hand, surrounded by interwoven strands of threadbare tinsel, on a throne of slightly crumpled cracker tubes.

Why the shiny shot, Lord? Really, why not some nice brown paper. Recycled even, or do you want us fucking up the planet just to make stuff shiny?

Honestly.

Aah well, another New Year, another chance to get stuff fini
- posted by Buntifer @ 12/31/2007 02:53:00 pm

 
Merry Christmas, I suppose.
It's official. Christmas makes me feel hungover, even when I haven't had anything to drink, the saturation levels of pre-recorded good cheer and saccharine Christmas wishes just drain the essential vitamins from my body and try to shrink my brain.

I believe the way to avoid this feeling is to watch it's a wonderful life, but that has been proven to shrink your brain by ten percent every time you watch it.

So, first Christmas in the house. I feel sorry for the Brunette, it's just me and my conviction that Christmas will be crap. So far, it's looking good. She's been in tears three times already, and not because of me. Mater's Christmas present too much trouble, we theoretically ran out of truffle mixture and she's lost a necklace her sister gave her and expects her to wear. Bless.

I am sinking myself into cooking things. Bread sauce ready to rock and roll, providing it can survive the depredations of my insatiable bread sauce appetite for the next 18 hours, joint out of freezer, beef. Turkey is just like crap chicken. I have made 70 truffles (we didn't run out) and the whole house smelled of chocolate yesterday, the spuds are ready for their par-boiling, I have Nigella on call for chocolate pudding (there's a reason we only eat it once a year;) and waaay too much chocolate in the house.

The odds are on our side. Fingers crossed I don't bollocks up the roast.

Have a fun one.


"Peace be with you."
- posted by Buntifer @ 12/24/2007 08:09:00 pm

 
Welcome back
Greetings once again.

I realise that I have stopped updating my blog, as you may have done. I am making no promises to return, but the fact that the last post I left on here was a foul fingered rant about postmen kept bugging me, so I decided to come back and post again, just to get rid of it.

I'm making hummus, which is exciting, and I had an argument with Ikea, because they're crap, so they gave me some money back. I completed Nanowrimo again. which was nice, but I still have ten thousand words or so to go before I complete the story. I have had a persistent headache since last Friday (It's Wednesday) and I am waiting for my head to explode, or for a doctor to come up to me and say, "You have brain cancer, we diagnosed it from a little over a mile away."

Anyway, enough about me, where've you been, what've you been up to, and why're you still wasting your time visiting my site? Who's your daddy? and what the f*** is wrong with you? How are you feeling, what's your favourite music track at the moment, and why? What was the last book you read? Was it good? Was it as good as you thought it would be? Was it as good as people told you it was going to be? Would you cry if I told you I hadn't read it? Why would you care? How has your day been treating you? Well, I hope. Anyway, enough of this crap, I'm off to surf some goats.
- posted by Buntifer @ 12/05/2007 08:42:00 am