I've had a short story published online.
Which is exciting.

Go here to read it.

I quite want to know what people think, but there doesn't seem to be a way of leaving comments, or anywhere else to leave comments either.

Aah well. Probably better off not knowing.
- posted by Buntifer @ 5/23/2007 12:02:00 pm

 
Smurdi Fshoolay
The house has been moved, it now resides in Houn Slow, that places of thieves and brigands. Now it is filled with Brown chavs who, in a bid for racial equality, are as annoying as White chavs.

Congratulations, you're now no better than the natives.

Am I being racist here? I don't think I am, I think I'm just being classist, which is ok, because it is a well established fact that people with brains are better than people with R'nB. (and I'm not talking North Mississippi Allstars here, I'm talking Beyonce)


The house is good. It's small, full of cardboard boxes, and the plaster in the room we have started stripping the wallpaper from is shite, but it's ours. I owe the Royal Bank around five and a half times my annual salary, which is nice, and the Brunette owes them almost all her annual salary. We've got a burglar alarm, a mortgage and a room with no wallpaper on the walls. It's like we're a married couple.

I have almost completed Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republic, which is very good, but I think I may have made a terrible mistake, which means I can't actually beat the big bad chinless dude at the end. Aah well, I'll have to play it through again.


In slightly better news we had a radiator burst the other day, which cost us a little over my weekly salary to fix. It took the plumber two hours. I need a new job. The way I figure it I can do one day's work a month and make as much as I do in a month, that way I have between twenty seven and thirty days a month to play Xbox.

Sorry - that wasn't good news at all. It was simply a cunning ploy to do something or other.

I have recently bought the new Linkin Park Album. My task today is to listen to it as many times as possible to see if it takes multiple listens to become good. So far, disappointing.

I also found City of Lost Children on DVD, with the proper French voices, and subtitles. Unfortunately, in their bid to make it impossible for me to enjoy this film on dvd, the subtitles are rubbisher than those on the VHS. Why, I asked myself. Is it because DVD is a revolutionary new format with possibilities to have multiple audio soundtracks along with interchangeable subtitles? Well, unlikely, because DVD isn't that new any more. What's more likely is that They did it to piss me off. [That's the Them that are out to get me, not the the Other Ones]

I now own four versions of City of Lost Children.

The VHS - the only version worth watching, proper subtitles and no dubbing
The English DVD mk I - no subtitles, dubbed by Janet Street Porter (probably)
The French DVD - Due to a lovely person in France who sent me this limited edition French Edition, I can now watch it in it's full original glory... which means I can't understand it, because I am stupid and don't understand French.
The English DVD mk II - subtitled by someone who has no poetry in their heart. (but speaks better French than me.)

In other news, the Shyster card strikes again, and we're not talking Ewoks here people. Firstly, how come a bus pass costs more than pay as you go? Bastards. Sure, if I was taking buses to Milton Keynes and back eight days a week, it might be worth the money, but otherwise? Wankers. Secondly - I like the innovation of "Automatic Top Up" or whatever they have decided to call it, probably something "funky" like "Cool Groovy Topping", where you can make your oyster card top up automatically once it gets down to less than a fiver. Very useful, but why do all the oyster card innovations ONLY WORK if you're ONLY commuting to Zone 1, or friends with the mayor. Why can't me, a humble bus user use this service? Because Oyster cards are shit?






wait for it...










wait for it....









Yes. Probably. So basically, my oyster card will automatically top up once it goes below five pounds, and I go past an Oyster card machine in a tube station...where I could have topped it up anyway...

Ok, and in other news, ASDA has started doing Auto Shopping, where you're shopping will automatically do it itself, provided you go to ASDA and put everything into a trolley, take it to the checkout, pay for it, bag it and take it home.

Great.

If I was going through tube stations on a regular basis I would be able to top up my Oyster card myself, unless I was criminally stupid or pathologically lazy, so why would I need Automatic Top up? The pathologically lazy should be made to walk, and the criminally stupid should be forced to stay at home. Bastards. I take the bus? Why does that make me a second class citizen? because Shyster cards are shit, but we have to use them, because the government wants us to. That's democracy at work. Use an Oyster card or we'll take all your money away.

But I don't, I take the bus, and because Oyster cards are shite, you can't top them up on a bus, or in fact, at a bus station, in fact, the nearest newsagents that tops them up is the other end of town! Great.

ooh - but I can do web top up right? And I can do it over the phone? Perfect, that's fine.

Oh wait... It says it will top up my card next time I go through a tube station...

But I'm not going through a tube station. If I was going through a tube station I could top up my card myself. In fact the only reason I could possibly have for needing to Web Top Up, Phone Top up OR Automatically Top Up is IF I WAS TAKING THE FUCKING BUS!!!

AAAAAAAARGH!

FUCKWITS!

The "great value" that Oyster promotes is like a Moss Bros sale - "Everything Half Price." It's true, but only because they doubled the price of everything in the store just before they had the sale. Great.

Oyster cards are the cheapest way to travel, because travelling without an Oyster card has been made about as expensive as taking a taxi. They are also really quite shit unless you're travelling almost exclusively in Zones 1 and 2.

Fuckwits.

There are better things going on in my life, I think. I just can't remember them in the red mist of rage that has descended over me.
- posted by Buntifer @ 5/17/2007 08:55:00 am