Of course I am indebted to this blog
http://london-underground.blogspot.com

For these:




London Underground's sudden seafood allergy, although I did pay for my last monthly travel card in whelks.



And for the underground song which I linked to a long time ago. Although the last two posters were my own concoctions.

Interestingly, it looks like Mr London Underground Dot Blogspot commutes from Richmond.

like me.

Although possibly at an earlier, more commuting-like time.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/30/2006 08:52:00 pm

 
Finally a reason has been given
for the interminable repairs and delays upon our over worked public transport system.



I didn't say it was a good reason.

but I don't see why they shouldn't have pretty tools.

And... in breaking news. Cheesemongers Anonymous may have a guest blogger in the next couple of weeks...

Please prepare to welcome...

Simon

Then again. It may never happen.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/30/2006 08:41:00 pm

 
Performance artists banned from the tube!
Now I know it was always irritating when you get some surly busker on the tube, because nobody wants to hear them, and yet they have a captive audience.

The other day, one had the audacity to harass us directly as if we owed him attention. Grow up, get a proper fucking job, and stop playing shit Oasis covers, frankly.

but mimes?

Perhaps the most harmless of performance artists...



have been banned...

It comes in the wake of the news that one mime artist became too convinced by his own "glass wall" sketch, and remained on the Circle line for three weeks and four days solidly, until he passed out from lack of fresh greasepaint. Despite alarming customers with his frantic, silent entreaties, he managed to earn himself forty five pounds thirty six pence during his imprisonment.

"Call Me Kenneth", as I like to think of our Mayor, has demanded that the tube be taken out of service for comprehensive cleaning, and has acted swiftly to prevent similar occurrences.

Reports had circulated briefly last year about a small fringe theatre group that had set up shop on carriage 7319/824 of the District Line, but it transpired that they had moved on once they realised that their carriage had been permanently allocated to the High Street Kensington - Olympia Branch, necessitating plays of seventeen minutes or shorter.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/30/2006 08:27:00 pm

 
Hmmm..... I would spell it Fey - but that's because I can spell...




What type of Fae are you?


And in other news, not much is happening - I bought Nochnoi Dozor yesterday, and have found the theatrical version with the proper subtitles, which looks wicked, again. I am looking forward to watching it...

And I'm on book three of Dredd's Complete Casefiles. Very good. But now I am nearly up to speed and will have to wait for a month for the fourth one.

I'm off... I just thought I would give you something to waste time on...
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/30/2006 11:29:00 am

 
Blaine Away
I had forgotten all about David Blaine - hadn't you? Do you remember, way back in the distant past, he decided that being a twat on land was not enough, he needed to suspend himself in the air over the Thames, in order to be more visible a twat than ever.

And it worked, we turned up in our hundreds to hit golf balls at him and catapult dog food onto his perspex box. But then we got bored.... and he disappeared.



What you didn't realise, is that he's still there.

The mind's a funny thing, and we are incredibly capable of blanking out things we don't want in our mind. After three weeks of Blaine being a dick, commuters over Tower Bridge stopped noticing him, they stopped even bothering to glance out of the bus windows to see if he was still there, they didn't care, and rightly so, the idiot was using the ability to stick himself in a place where people couldn't avoid seeing him to try and crowbar his fame into the British market.

But he underestimated us. We disappeared him. He went missing, and nobody cared tuppence, nobody even cared two shakes of a lambs tail, and yes thanks, I am aware that I have misused that metaphor. But what are metaphors for if not for abuse.

Although I do steer clear of underage metaphors. That can be dangerous.

We Britons erased Blaine from our collective consciousness. The police force faded away, the Sun stopped concentrating on making burgers underneath, and went back to printing coloured toilet paper, the businessmen went back to their driving ranges.

But he stayed there.

It was only by a supreme effort of will the other day, as I was crossing the Bridge that I glanced to my left and saw, hanging there, a perspex box with nothing but a very thin irritated-looking tosser, waving his hands half heartedly, as if he no longer really expected anyone to see him.

I gave him a wave back, but I feel bad about it now. I might have got his hopes up, and I have no intention of telling the police. Let the fucker starve. It was his idea.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/27/2006 08:26:00 am

 
House, House, Let it all out...
Well folks...

House no happen. Mortgage people are fuck-stained pisswits, and the credit score system is a joke. We cancel officially tomorrow. Wish me luck.

And for gods sake, if any DJs read this site (Mum, I know you're not a DJ) PLEASE STOP PLAYING GNARLS BARKLEY...

I used to quite like the song, but dear god, they're playing it more than twice per set. It's just wrong! I heard it thirty seven times today, and I only listened to the radio for fifteen minutes. (I exaggerate, but only slightly, and only for effect.)

I have blogs up my sleeve, but they're stuck on some loose thread.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/26/2006 09:02:00 pm

 
It's official!
Nationwide are a bunch of piss stained fuckwits.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/18/2006 06:36:00 pm

 
Dreddfully busy...
I am ending the period of grace, the break we had from Blebber while the students went away and we gathered ourselves for the next, and final term.

Saw the rentals, which was fine.

Finished Aura, which was excellent.

And now I have just finished Judge Dredd: Complete Case Files Vol. 1

Very good....

I was kind of hustled into buying it by the folks at "They Walk Among Us" In Richmond, a very good little shop where I purchase many of my Comics, Perplexcity Cards and Forgotten Realms books.

I was enquiring after Y: The Last Man, which I have been following avidly. The next book is out in two weeks or so, but I came away with this. They didn't have volume two, but they should have by this week, so I might go back and get it.

It is quite an experience to be able to read all the Dredd stories in order uncut etc etc. Walter the Wobot and everything. I found the three and a half pages or so which the film must have been based on. Dredd's brother Rico coming back, and was impressed by how in three pages the writers and artists could create more atmosphere and interest than an hour of watching Ms Bullock attempt to flirt with the plank that is Stallone.


We also bought a Freeview box, which was a let down. The Brunette has been keen on one for a while, and I can see plus sides, we could watch Housewives a week in advance, or Lost, and that would be good, so we can miss it occasionally and not have to panic about catching up, but it doesn't work.

The internet listing says our area is fine, but Freeview boxes don't work on communal aerials. Bear that in mind if you live in a city like us. I thought there should be some sort of warning on the box, a lot of peoiple round here share their aerials with at least one or two other buildings.

Warning - Freeview boxes DO NOT work with Communal Aerials.

I just think they should have let us know.

Disclaimer: Apparently some communal aerials can be boosted to deal with freeview boxes, but the majority won't work.

I miss fives this week. This whole Easter bollocks seems to make people think they can slack off. Damn their eyes. I don't care that Jesus escaped from a chocolate egg on Easter Sunday, frankly, or about the Hare Bingers of Doom that were vanquished by the Egg Wielding Rabbits of Destiny. Or about the chicks. What's with the chicks? They're just undersized McNugget fodder. (If you believe that McNuggets are made from Chicken. Personally I have always suspected them of being made primarily from breadcrumbs and powdered clown.)

I must leave now, to go and scrape the Bolognese of Death out of the Wok Pan of Pain and onto the Plates of Supper.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/17/2006 06:49:00 pm

 
Kebooooooobaa!
I am tired, exhausted, and otherwise fatigued.

I have had a busy day. I finished Aura yesterday, at about ten past ten I typed the final sentence, and then "THE END"

It was satisfying. I will go back and edit it, and nobody is allowed to read it until I have done that, bar perhaps the Brunette, and only if she asks very nicely. Because I know it needs a big edit. I have been so patchy with the writing of the last thirty thousand words that I am sure there will be continuity errors, and the very fact that I wrote 15700 words yesterday means that there will most certainly be bits in that I want to change. On the plus side, it means the pace should be good, and I am pretty happy with how it ends.

I have changed the icon on the lower right hand side of my blog. It had been saying "2005 Nanowrimo Participant." but now I can put my winner icon up.

Let me explain. I took part in Nanowrimo, I wrote 50 thousand words in November, but I did not finish my novel, and so I didn't let myself put the icon up till I was finished. Now, five months later, I am finished, and I am a winner. I can finally delete the fucking thing from my desktop.

There are two more links on the right as well. One leading to an encyclopedia of accents, which is funny, and can be useful, and the other leading to an online history reference, which isn't Wiki based. Which is very useful. Those of you who know me know that my history skills closely match my interest in football. Zero, nada, not even if its England. So a history ref like that one could come in very handy. In fact I was looking for examples of numerical representation formats when I found it.

Right. Enough with the writing. I'm going shopping.

Chow fer now, Peeps.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/17/2006 09:56:00 am

 
Sushi
It is interesting to note that sushi is gaining popularity as an eat-as-you-go dish. It is more of a gain in popularity for vendors, because of its low cost to produce and high retail value due to its exotic nature in this country - but vendors lead consumers by the nose, and consumers now seem happy to pay four pounds or more for rice rolled in spinach at Tescos.

I think it is especially interesting, as cyberpunk predicted the growing influence of Japanese culture in the West.

but...

why...

has sushi, raw fish, a foodstuff potentially deadly if not prepared by an experienced chef, a foodstuff that should go off in a day or less, and that, once it has gone off can give truly horrible types of food poisoning.

Having done some research, I have realised that Sushi doesn't actually go off that quickly. Wrapping fish with rice, or vice versa, was found to preserve the fish. The as the fish fermented, the rice produced lactic acid, which in turn pickled the fish. Interesting...

I don't really understand vegetarian sushi, aside from its being cheaper...

I had this big rant lined up about how english sushi was a pale imitation of the real thing, but I am disappointed. The real thing is genuinely mostly rice and small bits of fish, although apparently in the beginning the rice wasn't eaten.

Aah well.. what's a man to do?

I just finished reading Neuromancer again, I had browsed through the first few pages a couple of weeks back and decided it was high time I read it again, and I have noticed, for the first time, that Molly tells Case a story about an old boyfriend of hers called Johnny, who has storage in his head and gets in trouble with the Yak....It's Johnny Mnemonic. I knew that Gibson wrote the screenplay for the film, but I never knew it was based on her story...

very cool...

Still one of the best books I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

The Brunette and I are planning a day of writing over the Vernal Equinox break. I need to get back into Aura big time, although I have finally sent Legionnaire off to some people. Now I just wait till I hear back.

Right. I'm off to read Judge Dredd Case Files 1

Happy Spring everyone!"
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/15/2006 05:27:00 pm

 
Holiday.....
I am on holiday, and relaxing, chucking some words out here before I start on Aura again.

You may notice I have new links to the right, one to Implicit Lychopsy, a waterpolo playing Dutch Hawaian with a good line in art, and one to Innerminx, an earnest scribbler from the mystical land of Cornwall, in de Von, somewhere off the South West coast of Somerset. Go visit them if you have the inclination, or ignore them if you must.

I proceeded to watch History of Violence yesterday, and then Hotel Rwanda. H of V was very good, very graphically violent, and slightly too dark (film wise) to watch in bright sunshine, even with the curtains closed, so there were a few scenes where all you could see was a face. An intelligent treatment of something which has been done to varying degrees several times before. Hotel Rwanda was predictably good, shocking, and reassuring in equal measure. I know it was based around a true story, but I felt they could have dramatised it a little more and made a better film by leaving some elements out, which IMHO could have created a more moving and powerful piece.

I am writing today, as I have been dragged home for a couple of days during my holiday. It will be pleasant to see the Rentals again, but it does mean I lose 48 hours which I was planning to spend sending Legionnaire off and finishing Aura. So I have to have a busy day today.

I am also going to book seeing some films at the London Sci-Fi festival thingy today. An anime all nighter which looks wicked, and a couple of other things which look rather good. None of the Arthur C Clarke award nominees look especially thrilling this year, although I might try and read one or two to see what they are like. The Ishiguro one looks interesting.

Right, or rather...write. I'm off, to write, and wait for the mortgage man to call and tell us we are poor and evil bastards who will not pay for our house if they lend us money.

**Update**

And in true style of a time when I actually have time to write, and I have specifically allocated time to that end, I can't. I have written about 12 hundred words today, and they are coming grudgingly, each one forced from me with a push and a curse. I know I will hate what I have written, and I know it is good discipline to push on, but I just don't feel I can. I think I might make some tea, and sit down and find out if any publishers take emailed submissions - that way I can at least do something constructive.

I can write shit, just not what I should be writing. Maybe I will try a short story in a while. Maybe I will give up and go watch television.

Boooooo

Plus the mortgage people haven't phoned yet, so that is always helpful, a Damoclean phone call waiting to drop.

**Turns out he isn't in (I called them having heard nothing.) Suddenly a five letter word beginning with 'c' and ending in 'ts' springs to mind, and it isn't 'carts'

Fuckers...

Yaay.
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/11/2006 10:08:00 am

 
Fine sunshine, cold and fresh...
Legend of Zorro is finishing behind me as I type. Not a terrible film, but I found myself tremendously frustrated by the fact that he refused to kill anyone, which meant the same bad guys who pissed him off at the beginning were the same ones who kidnapped his wife, kidnapped his son, threatened the birth of the United States of America etc, it would have been much quicker and simpler, and indeed a huge amount more satisfying to the viewer had he killed them in the first place. It seems to be a trend of modern films. Sianodel pointed out over the weekend that Bond was a real fucker, as we watched a clip from (I think) Moonraker, where he dart-guns someone into paralysis, and then pushes him out of an airlock and into space. He gets away with it without being portrayed as a ruthless psychotic because of his one liners and the debonair way in which he disposes of the bodies. If only serial killers were as pleasant I'm sure they wouldn't be so vilified, a last witty one liner so you go to your grave choking with mirth rather than choking on your own blood. Could have potential there.

Any ideas for one liners out there?

I'm going with the London hammer murderer attracting his victims in the dark with a:

"Stop...Hammertime."

Sorry.

One of those times when I realised that if I believed in hell, I would believe I was going to it, and then I would start thinking about the music down there...

Given me a possible idea for a story though. Always nice.

Bit of a shit film though.

Anyway. I have two better ones to watch, which I shall do later. First I must go and buy something to have for lunch, and shower first...
- posted by Buntifer @ 4/10/2006 09:30:00 am