Ultimate Day!
Like ultimate fighting but not coreographed as well...

and with less sweat and fake pain (so far anyway)

It is my last day here. I can safely say I'm enjoying not doing any work. My plan is to settle down at about eleven and make sure that I genuinely have finished everything I had to do, sort out the rest of my shit, and then go to the pub at twelve, from whence I will not return.

I have spent far too long over the past few weeks reading the wizards community noticeboards. Which will interest very few of you, so I shouldn't bother following the link. Ona plus side, I know the rules better now... but I'm not convinced Sianodel is overly happy about that.

Aah well, nae bother, as I might say a month from now, having developed a delicious Edinburgh twang. Or *grunt snuffle* as I am more likely to 'say' given that I won't be sleeping a great deal, I will be smoking too much and imbibing things which in the strictest sense, are poisons.

I refer of course to coke and beer although I may drink some tea, which also contains poison.

Hmmm.... I may try some of this particular poison. I've had it before, and it was good at the time, but I often overindulge and end up feeling a bit weird. Plus it makes me pee like crazy.

I'm shitting bricks about Edinburgh now. Maybe I should have just stayed here, it is easy, and I get paid for doing nothing. I know how to do it and..

oh who am I kidding, I'm just fishing for reassurance. I'll be fine, and it will be great. Hard work, but great. Plus, when I win the euromillions lottery this friday I shall be able to buy millions of things. If I was the only winner I could buy 59689922 150g Galaxy bars, should I so desire. Or the greater part of Kensington. [Maybe not]

Can anyone think of anything I haven't packed though? I have socks, pants, trousers, shirts, t-shirts, deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving gel, writing paper, pens, reading books, aspirin, anti-cat pills, shoes, a sweater, a jacket, a belt, two leathermen, lighters, a file with all notes thus far in, phone, charger, mp3 player, charger...

and I don't want more to carry, but I am petrified that I might have forgotten something that I can't easily replace in Edinburgh.

Damn...

I also found this blog, which didn't turn me on massively, but it had a link to this article which I find extremely interesting, especially given the kind of games I enjoy playing. I'm always please to see the media completely in the wrong. Not that they will ever admit it I'm sure the Mirror will keep declaiming that "these games should be banned" and continue with its assurance that any Muslim on benefits is obviously a terrorist.

The other thing is that I have just finished reading JGBallard's "Super Cannes." I read "Millenium People" recently as well [and "The Drought", but that was shit]

These two books are lifechangingly intelligent, and scare the shit out of me. I don't scare easily, but the imagination that produced these books is showing me things I didn't realise about myself and the life I lead in a way that makes me want to give it all up and go and live in a tree. Thiongs about social groups, and social taboos that you wouldn't realise. Sianodel - I think they would give you some very good ideas concerning issues in your current play.

I think anyone who can read should read them, because his understanding of the socialogical conditioning we are undergoing at the moment, and the direction that our society is going is scarily insightful (IMHO)

Check them out.

toodle pip chaps and chappesses. I'm off down the pub
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/29/2005 09:20:00 am

 
91% 14 miles out. Give it a go...
Here

Test your knowledge of Europe. It is quite interesting. my score is quite good, although I have a confession to make it was on my second go.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/27/2005 01:20:00 pm

 
Wednesday, pen penultimatum...

And in the news italian pilgrims have spotted a statue of the Virgin Mary which has moved its legs. I'm going to be seeing a few of these up in Edinburgh, it never ceases to amaze me, the sheer number of moving statues. Of course the best ones are the ones on their break, because they are covered in greasepaint and smoking a fag, hunched over their little box of money.

I wonder what happens if they need to go and pee. Maybe I should stand beside one trickling water from a bottle onto the ground and see what happens...

Of course the longest one of these street performers that Britain has known is David Blaine, who climbed an empty pedestal in Trafalgar Square years ago whilst dressed as Nelson, and has never come down. Reports differ as to whether or not he is still alive up there, but most experts think he has probably survived on pigeons for the past few years.


Now last time I went up to Edinburgh with a show, it didn't go so well. You could put this down to the lousy slot, where everyone was wanting to see comedy or live music, the fact that it was not precisely a bundle of laughs, or to the fact that reviews did not spring up around it praising all its glory. However, I keep finding us preserved for ever in the public consciousness. That year was the first year the Fringe put up the poster towers on the Royal Mile. One could wrap the towers with posters, provided you were happy with them being covered with other people's posters within seconds.

Being the forethinking geniuses that we were in those days, we brought stilts. Trust me, they always come in handy, and wrapped our posters around higher up than most people had managed. That and the fact that they were nice and eyecatching ensured they stuck around. If you look at the picture, you will see a pale poster with an eye on it. That's the one.

Here's one review.

and there's another one here which is a whole lot better.

Opinions were divided. The moment has passed now anyway, but it was a good poster.

I must go, but before I do... Behold the Evils of Cheese
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/27/2005 08:08:00 am

 
Pen Pen Penultimate
I came out Neutral Good which is vaguely interesting since my character is Chaotic Good theoretically...

I feel I am on a blog roll here. No pun intended. This may be the blog that lets the others down. In any event, I am bored at work and wsih to spend some time blogging. Unfortunately, as well as being bored at work I also have quite a lot to do, which is bad, as this is my last week and I don't want things to do. The things I have been asked to produce become fairly useless after I leave anyway, so I am frustrated at having to spend time doing them.

Never mind.

As quickly as yesterday went, today is going doubly slowly. I see the Brunette feels it too.

In the news today, a Croation farmer killed by a falling cow. It has to suck. Crushed to death under a cow.

Here's the bitch

And here, sweetly enough, are two people who have decided to get married during the festival and need witnesses because they don't know anyone in Ed. I'm half tempted to volunteer myself, but the Brunette is planning to be up that weekend and I don't want to give her any ideas...

And here are the shows that are on at a venue I may well be spending quite some time inside.
*nudge* *wink*

Obviously for googlism reasons I have to be reasonably careful.

Of course a link search might show up my site, but it is too late for that, and I'm not going to say anything nasty one way or another. You will have to check my review site for that, and even that may not be happening depending on what sort of internet access I have and whether I have the time and the inclination.

I apologise for the lackadaisical content of this blog, I am not tremendously inspired, I just wanted to get some words down, out of my head, that sort of thing.

I'm gonna save it as a draft - you might get some better stuff later.

Nothing better really...



I had more pics... http://www.lucypringle.co.uk/photos/1994/uk1994ca.jpg

http://www.lucypringle.co.uk/photos/1994/uk1994cg3.jpg

http://www.lucypringle.co.uk/photos/1998/uk1998dh.jpg

but blogger won't let me post them for some reason, so text they are.

They may be fakes, but they're beautiful. All from

http://www.lucypringle.co.uk

I'm off home in a while. Apologies for the post.

I'm going to leave you with this image:


Enjoy!
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/26/2005 11:17:00 am

 
Only a week to go...
I have entered my final week at the temp job I have been doing for so long. This time next week I will probably be in bed in Edinburgh with a hangover. How good does that knowledge feel.

Very.

I have five days left of boring work. I have fewer than 35 hours, nearer 28 now, possibly even less if I go to the pub on Firday afternoon... and then I will be a free man... a free man with two jobs lined up, both of which will require me to work a damn sight harder than I have been doing so here, but a free man, doing what I want to do...

So I shall be travelling my motor car up the motorway to "the North" where I shall watch the Brunette's plays, "An evening of plays by.... ....." keeps going through my head. We have "Keeping Annabelle" with a very cool poster, I'm sorry they are not doing the longer version, as it is very good, although I haven't seen the shorter version. This is the one which got slammed in Soho [slammed in a good way] and it is the offshoot, or offcut of a longer piece.

Then Waking, Julian and Louise five years down the line? Maybe, maybe not, although those of you who saw the recent production of "Technically Speaking" will know exactly what I mean.

And then "Birthday Greetings Bottle of Wine" which is like granny porn (so I've heard) - now I am going to get thousands of hits to my sight involving "granny porn" You've heard of "the Boy who wasn't right?" So many people out there are wrong.

Anyway. After a weekend up North, I shall then travel to Edinburgh, a place so far to the North it doesn't count as being "the North" anymore. It is like the bear city that Iorek comes from the the northern lights Trilogy, only with less snow, more swords and thousands of American walking round going, "Is Edinboro always like this?"

I found a website that made me angry earlier today. I was looking round the Edfringe forums and found some f**king silly moo who had a link to her sight. It began, "Edinburgh Fringe Festival is one of the biggest comedy and revue festivals in the world."

I wanted to punch the screen, I wanted to scream at her after I had ripped off her head and poured salt down her oesophagus. I calmed down a little bit and prepared to do the aforesaid using solely the power of words, but I couldn't find a comment button, or an email address, so I settled for ranting on here, and shall weep later over the sad state of "Edfest" as this retarded bitch cow from hell called it (I think she was called Mandy) and bemoan the fact that there are too many people who think they are funny in this world, and, since the death of bob Monkhouse, only one of them is right - and he's more funny peculiar than funny ha ha.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I can't decide whether I'm okay with armed police shooting people in the head. I know that it is a slippery slope before our Prime Minister will start lying to us and try to take us to war.. oh...hold on, that was a different slippery slope.

It is a slippery slope before we end up with a world similar to V's world in "V for Vendetta" [and I am talking about the comic not he movie, for those of you who don't know any better] but at the end of the day, the guy shouldn't have run when challenged by police, especially in the current climate. I have heard people saying "Well he might have just not had a ticket for the tube." and suchlike, well, weighing up between doing what an armed police officer told me to and perhaps having to pay a £10 or £15 fine for not having a ticket, or running away from the man with the gun and the law on his side I think, personally, not being a criminal, I would go with the obeying and the being fined rather the running and the being shot. Unless I were a criminal for whom being caught by armed police would be a greater threat than being shot at at exceedingly short range, or unless I was bulletproof, in which case it might be quite fun.

How dare they threaten to sue? Fuckers want my tax money do they?

BTW - so far, the trailer for "V for Vendetta" looks pretty good, so I might not have to issue a fatwa against the Wachowskis. Although Elrond looks nothing like Elrond, and he doesn't sound like Elrond either. Versatile these elves. You should have seen him in that Matrix film, righteous elvish whupping of human ass, except for in the third one, where he pulled some stunts that weren't that elvish, and got his ass handed to him on a plate by a human.

I have to say, the shades and crew cut were a bit more happening than they pigtails had been, and the absence of Arwen was a definite bonus. Didn't like the suit though, should have stayed with the robes.

Natalie Portman looks good too. More Leon than Closer, but good.

25 to 5... bonus. The day has gone quickly. My mind went quicker, but what can you do? I shall be back in the same old chair tomorrow for the penpenpenultimate time, and I am watching the minutes tick by as the end of days gets closer.

I'm looking forward to drinking in the Jekyll and Hyde, I'm looking forward to endlessly poring over swords in all the weapons shops. I'm looking forward to seeing the Frankenstein's Monster come out of its box and drinking in Espionage. I'm loking forward to climbing Artur's Seat again, and watching Edinburgh break through its morning mist and begin to move. I'm even looking forward to the train journey. Haggis and Chips, the little Metal Club, the Royal Mile and its plethora of performers and flyerers.

I'm looking forward to the 50 hour weeks, the 12 hour shifts and the constant pressure. I'm looking forward to the little crises I know will come up, and to the solutions we will find to them. I'm looking forward to being part of a team running a damn good venue, and I am looking forward to seeing all the shows in my venue.

There is only one thing I am not looking forward to.

Not seeing the Brunette for a month.

Every cloud has a silver lining, every picnic has a hidden turd.

And on that note, Lady and Gentleman, I shall leave you secure in the knowledge that it is seven minutes to five o'clock, and I am going home to get a haircut. I shall donate the hair to a small charity that makes hair shirts for Lebanese Orphans, and then I shall probably go home and try to pack, or possibly try and wash enough clothes to take with me to Edinburgh.

Swing happy, and stay low.

;)
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/25/2005 02:47:00 pm

 



I took the http://dragonhame.com/ online Inner Dragon quiz and found out I am a Celestial Dragon on the inside.

In the war between good and evil, Celestial Dragons take the side of the noble and good....When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon is a risk taker and answers to no one....As far as magical tendancies, Magical spells come as natural to the Celestial Dragon as breathe from it's body....During combat situations, whether by spells or by claw, your inner dragon will do whatever it takes to get the job done....The Celestial Dragon is a large dragon species, and is covered with perfectly mirrored scales. It roams the skies and has been seen both during the day and at nighttime. This dragon does not speak, but communicates by thought alone.

Celestial Dragons are solitary in nature. Often these dragons seem to act without rhyme or reason. The are very benevolent in nature, but at the same time they are totally unpredictable.

These dragons are kind and merciful, and will often offer their aid to mortals when they can see that they are needed. Celestial Dragons earn their name from their visual appearance. When lading at night or in the daytime, it appears as if part of the sky has materialized into the form of a dragon.

This Dragons favorite elements are: Calcite and Good Fortune

http://dragonhame.com/
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/25/2005 09:25:00 am

 
LATEST NEWS: THIS JUST IN...
Metropolitan Police, now admitting that policy demands shooting to kill in the event of officers suspecting someone to be about to detonate a bomb, have announced a startling new breakthrough in the war against terror. (TWAT)

Pork-Tipped Bullets

Mr Blair, the police one, not the liar has unveiled new plans to arm officers with bullets tipped with small pieces of pig. It is unclear yet whether small chips of pig-bone or other pieces of the animals will be used as yet, but ballistics experts are testing as we speak. In any case, the idea behind them is clear.

"These bullets, when used against any Fundamentalist of a Muslim faith, will ensure the shootee goes directly to hell. They will not get the chance to pass go, nor to pick up 200 virgins. Obviously, against other religious fanatics they will function solely as normal bullets, albeit with traces of pork upon them. The only religious group we can see being directly effected other than Muslims, is Buddhists, who eschew the killing of animals for any purpose. Thankfully, the incidences of Buddhist suicide bombing has been low in the past few years."

Blair denied that the Ballistics experts involved were testing bullets tipped with fragments of 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince' for use against fundamental Christians.

"Literature should not be used in this manner. Whilst the Geneva convention does not specifically forbid this, we believe that upon detailed reading, it is quite clear as to the uses and abuses of paperwork."

Historical experts have welcomed the new addition, claiming this tactic dates back to the Crusades, where it was not unknown for the Catholic Crusaders to interrogate muslim "infidels" using the dreaded "pork sword." It has been posited, that this practice has endured until today through the ministrations of Priests upon their Choirboys, but this is mere supposition and has been denied by the Vatican on many an occasion.

Independant experts have been debating the relaitve merits of various areas of pork for the job. Some claim that crackling would do the job most effectively, whilst others decry this, demanding that that is the best bit, and that pieces such as the trotters or hooves be used, ears and the less popular pieces.

There is one thing for sure, pigs might not fly, but death by pork bullet may become a popular phrase over the next few years.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/22/2005 12:56:00 pm

 
General Brain Splurge #1568445682a/125
Many points of interest to cover.

Firstly, was Harry Potter and the Half Cooked Mince any good? Does the pope shit in the woods?

Of course. Probably my personal favourite thus far in the series. Lets all wish JK the best in moving onwards and upwards for the last one.

Who dies? [Spoiler text follows] Read the book you cheating bastard!

We bought the book at midnight and read into the morning - Bookers at Shepherds Bush handed round party poppers and had free sweets and cookies beforehand. All very good, and not too much queueing needed either.

Unfortunately I had had to work a full day that Friday, so by 4 in the morning I had passed out on the floor. Woke up at eight and kept going. All good. Iamevil flaked early, as is his won't. I think he was going to conquer the world, but he fell asleep at around 2am.

Secondly, I am back at work... yaay...

But most importantly. I am going to Edinburgh! !!!!! !!!!!!!!!

Yaay for me!!!!

I have been waiting for three weeks to hear, and I was getting a bit downhearted, figuring they had hired someone and not told me, but they called Paul Doust, my venue manager from Brighton, and general prince among men, who sold them on me...

So I am going to Edinburgh to Front of House Manage.

Unfortunately, as thew Brunette pointed out to me, I am going to have to start being careful with my blogging. I have already been found online by some actors I commented on, and while I try and say only nice things about people etc, even if I shouldn't really, I should shut up and leave it all alone, otherwise I could get in trouble.

Anyway. I leave you with a list of shows to go see in Edinburgh this year.

Slaughterhouse Live
G-City at Southside
Handy Pantomime at Roman Eagle Lodge
Jaundice Table at Greyfriars Kirkhouse
The Flickering Truths of a Cruel and Dirty Bitch at venue 45 (I think)

So go forth and prosper. I shall be seeing less of the Brunette than I am entirely happy with for the next six weeks or so, but then I shall settle down and become a little commuting stage manager at a drama college in London which rhymes with Blebber Shuglas [again, I probably shouldn't post the name in case of googlism.

Shoobedoobedoobedoo...
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/18/2005 12:41:00 pm

 
heh
heh
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/16/2005 06:58:00 pm

 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0402224/

Frankly - I know this game has been raved about - but it has Samuel L Jackson voicing a character! How cool is that.

Check out the memorable quotes... bets one so far:

Pest Commando #1: We've got the situation in the kitchen contained, sir, but I found this! [baby cries]
Pest Commando #2: Jesus! What the hell is this?
Woman: That's my daughter!
Pest Commando #2: Looks more like Viet Cong to me! [gun shot]

However, how sad is the fact that onthe IMDB there is a guy called someone Nesbitt [I was lookign for James Nesbitt for some reason.] whose sole credit if voicing a pedestrian on GTA San Andreas. How does that qualify him for a credit on the IMDB? Can I get one? And he is billed as an actor.

Good luck to the fucker.

Try This - HP isn't the only book selling well!

[I haven't read HP yet - next post.]
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/15/2005 02:20:00 pm

 
Harry Potter and the half-cooked mince
Well, the Pope thinks it's evil

and these guys believe they are opening the doors to an "occult reality"

and we always knew that Chick would be up for a bit of HP,

"Harry Potter has become the method of introduction of sorcery to the very
young."

"The bottom line is a hunger for power. Harry Potter and the rest of
witchcraft promises that power. But in the end they discover that Satan is
really in charge of the power and only uses it like cheese in a mouse trap.
Harry Potter provides a basic initiation into witchcraft for a whole new
generation. Imagine what the world will be like when they grow up."

and Taiwanese Evangelists don't like it, they've denounced it

Christian Answers for the New Age don't like it

and this woman seems to have written a PhD on it!

Me? I'm just going to read it.

Interestingly though. I have just finished "Daniel Martin", by John Fowles, the book apparently I was named after. Very strange.

Daniel Martin, the eponymous main character:

pisses about at university and comes out with a 2:2 check
leaves university and goes and stage manages for a couple of years check
kisses for the first time in his life, a girl called Nancy check
wants to be a writer check


however, he also:

becomes a famous screenwriter - which would be nice
has endless affairs with different women - which wouldn't be so good
all the the search for the girl he missed the first time round - who I don't think I missed...

I'm interested, and thankful I wasn't called:

Sherlock - smack addict who can't play the violin
Artemis - evil assassin with a mid life crisis
Grima - terrible skin, bad habit of creeping round in the dark, easily manipulated
Hal - psychotic robot
Draco - blond, gay with unrequited passion for Harry Potter
Falstaff - gets to booze, but also gets hung

Enjoy - the next time I post I will have finished reading Harry Potter...
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/15/2005 08:03:00 am

 
...happy thoughts...
John Fowles called this, "...a world where the future gets more horrible to contemplate every day." in his book, "Daniel Martin"


I have to say, that, lying in bed with the Brunette last night, chatting, I begn to agree with him. We have suffered the first terrorist attack on London for the past ten years at least, and it echoes round the empty tube tunnels as a harbinger of identity cards, of more troops in Iraq, of more religious intolerance, and of more fear inspired voting for government.

ID cards - fair enough. Would they have stopped the bombing? No. Would they have made it more difficult? Unlikely. I have friends who are vehemently in favour of ID cards, for reasons which I still can't understand. I can't see massive arguments against them, other than that I don't think they will do anything other than inconvenience us. The problem I have is that I think they could be abused by people in power. Take a Prime Minister who would lie to his electorate for example. I wouldn't want ID cards in that man's hands. Or a Prime Minister who would take his country to war against their wishes, again, not someone I would trust not to abuse ID cards. A Prime Minister who can be manipulated by foreign superpowers by dint of his "special relationship" with them - wouldn't want him with the power ID cards could give him... I have read V for Vendetta [and I am saving up to hire a hitman for when the film comes out] and I think that state is not too far into the distant future. Can we honestly trust politicians who will cheat on the women they said they loved? Would you trust someone who had fucked over a close friend of yours, whether or not the fucker was blind, with the ability to screw you in the ass as well? I wouldn't.

If these bombs were protests against our troops in Iraq, then they will serve to keep them there for longer, and probably increase the number of our troops fighting and dying out there. This is a negative result for both sides. They don't get what they want, and we have more friends, sons and brothers sent out to die on some godforsaken oil soaked patch of sand. It is enough to make one think that maybe Bush or Blair were behind them. Bush will have more British support behind his "War on Terror" I have no doubt, and BLiar might finally gain some support for what he's choosing to do with our armed forces.

Race riots in Leeds and Bradford? Bonus. Now the BNP are turning round and saying "told you so" and again, we can't rebut them as we should be able to. In intelligence circles in Europe, London is known as "Londonistan" because of the number of people we have granted asylum who other countries have turned away because of their militant leanings. Has this done us any favours? Have we been spared terrorist attacks because of our accepting attitude to these folks? One might as well ask which hand Abu Hamza wipes his ass with.

And will BLiar get back in? next time? Well, it is a way away, but I'll bet you if he makes a firm commitment to the "War on Terror" we'll vote him back in. We used to buy the Spice Girl's singles when they came out - evidence enough the Great British Public [or GBP for short] is stupid enough for pretty much anything.

Reminds me of a poster with Dubya exhorting us to join The War Against Terror, or T.W.A.T for short.


Another Grauniad Article:
"Suicide bombings, which have their origins in medieval times, can be traced through Japan's kamikaze pilots to the Iranians during the 1980-88 Iran-Iraq war, and to the Tamil Tigers in Sri Lanka. The modern version was developed by Hizbollah and its predecessor during the Lebanese civil war, with attacks on the US and then Israelis, and was refined by the Palestinians in 1994-96 and in the second intifada, beginning in 2000. "
Quietly ignoring the fact that, like many things we now regret [selling anthrax to Saddam, training Osama, showing foreigners how to play cricket/rugby/football] we, the Christians, invented suicide bombing.

Oh yes.

An idea like that can't have been thought up by an "infidel" oh no.

Onward Christian soldiers, who, in the Crusades, used to run their boats in between two boats of "infidels" and then blow themselves up, taking their own lives, but also taking the lives of their enemies. So we should probably quit our bitching about what a cowardly method it is... or at any rate, Christians whould quit their bitching. White Anglo-Saxon Atheists like me have no record of suicide bombing, so I'm allowed to bitch.


Plus I heard an interesting thing yesterday. I don't think it is true, but it is a good idea. I heard that there had been thoughts about burying the suicide bombers with pigs. Because according to them, and fanatical assholes like them, the pig is an unclean animal, and were we to bury them with pigs, they wouldn't get to go to heaven. Now I can't quite believe that the authorities would let this happen, it seems a bit out of order really, but it is a damn good idea if it might provide some anti-motivation for the fuckers.

Maybe we could just bury them with a bacon sandwich.
I'd like to be buried with a bacon sandwich, a nice BLT would go down a treat to console me if I am wrong about the whole afterlife thingy. Plenty of mayo and easy on the tom. Mmmm... sandwich...

Anyway, sandwiches aside, I think we are creating a world where looking forward is getting pretty nasty. It could account for the decline of "hard" speculative fiction over the past twenty years, because realistically, looking forward further than maybe two hundred years leads us into scenarios where humans could well be fucked. What with the existence of global warming being ignored by the only country that could single handedly make a massive difference, and progress on other fronts which might yield a possibility of survival like stem cell technology and genetic engineering being held back by religious groups with both feet firmly in the first millenium after the death of "their lord Jesus Christ," hoping that the second coming will save their sorry asses, we are not looking like we will live to see another thousand years.

I just don't know how our grandkids will view us. They might look back and go "Those guys made poverty history!" and their kids will go, "What's poverty daddy?" but I think it is unlikely. They are more likely to look back at us and say, "Those guys completely got rid of the ozone layer" and their kids will squint up at them through eyes sunk deep within their patchy, cancer ridden skin and rasp through their ruined throats, "What's the ozone layer, daddy?"
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/14/2005 10:58:00 am

 
Stage Management
"Perhaps, therefore, ideal stage managers not only need to be calm and meticulous professionals who know their craft, but masochists who feel pride in rising above impossible odds." -- Sir Peter Hall, director of the Royal Shakespeare Company and the National Theatre of Great Britain.


Hmm. Producer she say, "Got two people, don't like neither. Call you back tomorrow."

So that's looking like it might not happen then.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/13/2005 02:56:00 pm

 
Mimbulus Mimbletonia
We've been having a discussion at work about the lottery. I can't get my head around the new lotteries. I used to be able to go into the shop and buy one lottery ticket, picking six numbers being the extent of the choice I had to make. It equated to throwing a pound coin at a theatre and hoping Father Christmas would appear and give me the ownership documents to the aforesaid theatre.

Now there are thirty four lotteries, for each of which one must pick seventeen numbers, four of which are normal numbers, three are thunderballs, two are lightening strikes, four are rain clouds, and two pairs of matched primes to round it off. The odds are the same, but the jackpots are smaller, and the tickets are more expensive it seems, costing £1.50 now...

I've got a new plan.

I'm not gonna play the lottery. It is 14 million to one. I figure the odds on having the winnings sent to me by mistake in the post are better than that. And I'm adding on the chance of finding the winning ticket in the street, plus the chance that the actual winner will present me with a huge sum of money.

Hmmm... it's a crazy plan, but it might just work.

It might not...but hey....

Right. Back to blogging. I still don't know if I am going to Edinburgh, which is pissing me off, making me a misery to live with, and beginning to annoy my line manager where I am working now. Frankly, I am praying that I am going. It would be an awesome month, coupled to which I don't think I can hack another six weeks where I am at present without snapping and throttling someone to death.

I shall phone the producer this evening.

The new Harry Potter book is out this weekend. Found a list of chapter titles, which look interesting. The Brunette have adult copies booked, and we are going round to the house of a mate of mine where we will buy the book and then retire to his and sit up reading it all night. It should be fun. Why? Because we can.

I am going to push off soon, because belive it or not I have better things to do than blog. I am at work, and before you ask, no, I will not be working, not until they have some work for me to do, but I have some things I have to see to online, which take priority, plus I am running out of things to say.

I have to write a summary of Legionnaire.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/13/2005 09:09:00 am

 
Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
w00t!

I am happy, happy like the wooolf who is happy, like the wooolf who has eaten Little Red Riding Hood for lunch.

[Sorry Southern Bird, your work here is done...]

I have to thank for this firstly, my amazing archives, which I have been reading at work, and which are really very very funny.

Secondly, www.incrediblehulk.blogspot.com which may well be the funniest blogspot out there, or it might just be inappropriately green. He has the same problem that I has, but obviously puny human Kevin hasn't managed to fix it yet.

And thirdly to someone called Jen [I think] who posted the solution on Hulk's blogsite and enabled me to read it and fix it.

And fourthyl to me, for my quick thinking and fast relexes which enabled me to check the comments on Hulks site when I realised that he had the same problem as me.

I repeat, yaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, the security where I work has been raised to Amber level because of the attacks last week, glad to see it took them four days! This means I am now supposed to wear my badge at all times or be hunted down by man eating guard dogs and forced to watch Emmerdale until I confess.

"The huge, mootlike creatures moved across the moor with an eerie grace lent them by the low gravity"

Nope, I don't know where that came from either. Still waiting to hear from the Producer. Dammit. I want to go, and I want to know now!

Booooo...

Yaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My blog is fixed, I can now post rubbish as and when I so desire.

www.scifantastic.com turned me story down. Very disappointed, but then I didn't like that story much anyway. Well, I thought it needed to be longer really.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/12/2005 11:52:00 am

 
You have to scroll down to read this...
I want to post, I do, really, but I can't be doing with this fucking crap on a stick that is my blog's issues with its titles. I didn't change nothing, and it is winding me up.

Anyway. I didn't get blown up, I'm tired, and I still don't know if I am going to Edinburgh.

However, I have signed and completed on my contract for the job starting in September, which is wicked...

Right. I'm off to sulk, and avoid work.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/12/2005 08:07:00 am

 
Hermit Sausages
The Brunette and I were discussing this little creature last night, so I thought I would post a word or two about the humble Hermit Sausage.

THe Hermit Sausage is a peculiar species of sausage, found roaming usually in the fetid swamps of Northern Switzerland. Born generally in early March, the hermit sausage becomes edible around summer, and is caught by the thousand and served as a delicacy at garden parties and barbecues. It is however, not until late Spetember that the Hermit Sausage truly matures into an beast of an edibility.

The peculiarity of the Hermit Sausage is its skin. Whils most sausages are content with pig intestine, or even nowadays more modern synthetic materials, the Hermit Sausage builds its own skin and surroundings from flakes of pastry it picks up in the swamps. Using these flakes, it builds itself a thick skin of crusty pastry in order to protect it from the cold and the rain. It is ironic, that what originally evolved as a mechanism for survival in the blasted wastes of the Swiss Swamps now makes the Hermit Sausage a target for our unstoppable human depredations. Known to you and I as the humble Sausage Roll, this sausage is now in danger of extinction, and only the sudden mass popularity of pasties has given it respite. WWF has been fighting for its survival for years, but it seems that only things with fur are worth saving from extinction, especially if they taste as good as these little blighters.

The mass capture of the young for serving at cocktail parties as mass yield canapes is the major problem, with the baby Hermit Sausages being captured when they are barely inches long. The CAP has done nothing to protect them, and the EU continues to deny the problems Europe faces with Hermit Sausage hunting. It has been a long time since the Chinese took measures to provide for the continuing survival of the "Duck Spring Roll" as we know it, a bonsai variety of duck that finds safety in deep fried pastry where the placid lakes of China could not help it.

The other great problem the Hermit Sausages face is the sudden revival of "Griggs" all over England [who are the worlds greatest consumer of Hermit Sausages] who serve their kind to a "walk in customer" ranging from business men with little time for lunch to students who don't want to spend more than 69p on their Hermit Sausage.

A minor ray of light is the new discovery by biologists in Scotland of a novel method of breeding Hermit Sausages in captivity. This new breakthrough, informally being called "hide the sausage" is hoped to revitalise the Hermit Sausage industry, which has fallen on hard times as they become more scarce and harder to hunt. It is hoped that by the year 2015 over ninety percent of the Hermit Sausages consumed in Britain, and 100% of the youngling variety, will be bred specifically for that purpose.

The greatest challenge the scientists have faced is the peculiar egg binding techniques used by the Hermit Sausage, involving coating the egg with a thick layer of bound breadcrumbs once laid. This again has put a severe drain on their numbers, as these are harvested in Scotland, where the Hermit Sausages migrates to lay its eggs, and served as Scotch eggs. Thankfully though, the popularity of these has dropped massively in recent years.

In closing, Ladies and Gentlemen, I urge you to save Hermit Sausages, and only eat those bred for the purpose.

TY, and see you later.

And on another note:

http://news.scotsman.com/politics.cfm?id=750492005
http://politics.guardian.co.uk/development/story/0,15709,1522847,00.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4658351.stm

good to see the twats are out in force.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/07/2005 08:17:00 am

 
5000 hits
I wanted to do a nice long celebratory post, but the fucking template bullshit fuckwittery has dispirited me.
- posted by Buntifer @ 7/03/2005 09:13:00 am