Man, I forgot what a dick this guy is... but he's so funny!
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp
http://www.chick.com/articles/dnd.asp
http://www.chick.com/articles/frpg.asp

"there is no doubt that Dungeons and Dragons and its imitators are right out of the pit of hell. No Christian or sane, decent individual of whatever faith really should have anything to do with them. "

well gosh darn it, that makes me neither sane, decent or religious... what is the world coming to?

I actually get like that, in the comic, when my character is about to die. I tried hanging myself, but I rolled a 2 on "handle rope skill" and my knot came undone.

I have a serious question now, which I would like you all to answer, especially since I shall be going to that special hell (not the one for people who talk in the theatre!) Can any of you see a clock just below the silhouette picture. I can, at home and at work, and presumably the Brunette can.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/30/2005 02:58:00 pm

 
Bastard blog - I have removed titles in the hope that it might make it better, and Ms Bird is kindly looking at my template to see if there is anything wrong. This new tack may work, it may not, I shall be upset to lose my titles if it does...

It sprung to mind today - somewhere out there, there is some c*nt walking around who is personally responsible for the Crazy Frog.

Please - I know only two people read this blog [hi mum] but if you know him [or her I suppose, although I kind of assume that level of cretinism can only come from testosterone] please please please kneecap him with a sledge hammer and send me a video of him screaming. Please? I'll make it into a chart topping comedy single if you do, I could even mix it into Beverly Hills Cop theme tune.

Alternatively, use a bread knife to give him an enema. Go on - you know you want to... it could be the second chart topping tune...

Which makes this occur to me. People say "If God exists, why does he let famine etc happen?" To which the answer is simple. Too many people. but how about this...

If God is DJ.... why did he let the Crazy Fuckwit happen.

Personally I'm waiting for the Crazy Frog Tour '06. Waiting with my rifle, practicing on melons like Edward Fox.... Mwah ha ha ha ha ha
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/30/2005 08:17:00 am

 
I am unhappy with my blog at present, because it is fucking with my nice pink titles, and I like my nice pink titles. I have not played with the template, and so I hope that not titling this post will bring it back to normal a little.

Still can't tell you my good news, although most of you who have met me will actually know by now, but I don't want to curse it - I must wait till I have confirmation in my grubby little hands.

In the meantime I have added some links in the words "Stage Management" in my links list.

I am currently sitting at work, not doing much.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/28/2005 11:09:00 am

 
Good News
Some good news should be on its way. I won't post till I'm sure, but I thought I would post this to see if the millions returns have gone away yet...
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/27/2005 05:36:00 pm

 
I don't know why my last post has a million returns between the title and the text
pants
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/24/2005 11:51:00 am

 
Glastonbury
Ok, so I will start by removing all the bands I have never heard of. Now this is the reason I don’t pay whatever it costs now to go to Glastonbury. Bear in mind that the top of this list here is the big names, the ones that you're really paying money for.

Pyramid Stage
· White Stripes - bollocks
· Coldplay - bollocks
· The Killers - bollocks
· New Order - old, and not great
· Doves - bollocks
· Elvis Costello - not really my ticket
· Van Morrison - old, looks like my dad (allegedly) was good back in 1985
· The Zutons - bollocks
· The Coral - not bad, pub gig material
· Ash - bollocks
· Kaiser Chiefs - bollocks
· Goldie Lookin' Chain - awesome, but not really worth the money
· Jools Holland - again, but not at a festival
· Taj Mahal -almost worth paying just to see this guy, probably on at 10am Sunday morning.
· Garbage - when I was fifteen whatsherface was sexy. She's not any more.
· Keane - Bollocks, and they steal people's piano riffs!

Other Stage

· Ian Brown - monkey man, probably entertaining
· Fatboy Slim - no, get back in the dance tent with the rest of the retards
· Royksopp - mmm...no
· Interpol - sound just like Rokksopp
· Echo And The Bunnymen - pants
· Athlete - bollocks
· Cooper Temple Clause - quite good for about three minutes, then dull.
· Soulwax - nope
· Cake - like them, but not that much
· KT Tunstall - fucking telescope bollocks

John Peel Stage
· Willy Mason - I thought this guys was dead!
· Ryan Adams - Ill, not playing

JazzWorld Stage
· Roots Manuva - yeah, but then again, no.
· Alabama 3 - yeah, Sopranos tune good I guess, but no Sopranos at Glasto
· Taj Mahal - See above
· G Love & Special Sauce - brilliant, but I've seen him six times before
· Levellers - when I was 12 maybe.

East Dance Tent
· Chemical Brothers present… Glint - meaning...they dont play their own stuff
· GoldieLookinChain - see above
· Timo Maas - I can't remember where I heard of this man.
· Ozrik Tentacles - back in the 80's they were cool!
West Dance Tent


· Stereo MCs - not a big dance fan.

G Stage

· Squarepusher - not a big D&B fan
· Jumanji - board games anyone?

Roots Tent

Dance Lounge

· Gilles Peterson - hmm.. why is he here?

Pussy Parlure

Acoustic Stage

· The Beautiful South - kill me now
· Tori Amos - more the Brunettes kind of girl.
· The Ukulele Orchestra Of Great Britain - well, I'd like to see them, but...
· Chas ‘n’ Dave - I'd rather shoot myself in the stomach
· I Am Kloot - no, you are shit.

Avalon Stage

· Eliza Carthy & the Ratcatchers -mum likes them, but she likes "the Archers"
· The Proclaimers - hmmm.. I thought they were all dead
· Los Albertos - wicked! Truly Great, but not worth over a hundred pounds.

Croissant Neuf Stage

Left Field Stage

· Billy Bragg - socialist twat

So, that sums that up. That and that as of an hour ago only one stage was working, due to power outages, plus it is gonna be muddy as fcuk, and frankly, the line up sucks ass.



Thanks to reuters for that one! Oh yeah - worth every penny...

I like the idea of the silent disco though - thousands of revellers are to be issued with wireless headphones tuned in to the DJ's desk to try and get around the noise ban post 1am that the local residents have demanded.

I would love to go down the the dance tent and just watch all the tossers waving their arms in silence.. quality comedy.

Next!

Commuter Congestion Charge.

You know something else that begins with a C? "Cen Livingstone is a Cunt "

So they introduce congestion charge to stop people driving into London, to make people use the already overpriced and not very good public transport. And it worked, and guess what, it made them a LOT of money. But that money is wearing thin, as people realise that it is actually better to get public transport, even if it means you have to set off an hour earlier just in case your train gets cancelled, and come home at eleven, because the last train usually gets cancelled in favour of a bus which takes a week to get from central London out as far as Clapham, let alone fucking Twickenham.

Good plan. It worked, and it has been good for the Environment as well as for London as a whole, the centre is now less car full, and the cars that are there are taxi drivers, and in the same way as how in gang wars it doesn't really matter as long as they keep shooting each other, taxi drivers can look after themselves.

So what does Cen the Cocksucker decide to do? Yeah, lets make commuters pay congestion charge! Great plan. Let's make it cheaper for people to drive into the centre of town and park all day, than to catch the tube! Quality, you know what this means? They're fucked either way!

Oh yes, charge more for the sorry transport system, lets charge £20 for a day pass bought during the four hour rush hour period, so that commuters pay for the pleasure of standing on a rammed train, sweating like Catholic priests in pre school playgrounds.

I was told that this was to try and make people take later trains. THe same government is trying to cut unemployment. Being three hours late for work every day is likely to get PEOPLE FIRED.

NO, THE COMPANIES WE WORK FOR WILL NOT PAY THE EXCESS.

YES, THE MAJORITY OF COMMUTERS WILL BE FORCED TO FOOT THE BILL THEMSELVES. or they will drive, because it will be cheaper, and less crowded.

fuckwits. absolute cocksucking fuckwits.

I went to see Audioslave on Wednesday at Brixton Academy.

It was the first time I had been to Brixton Academy. i hope I will be going back, it is a beautiful venue, and thoroughly deserves its reams of awards fro best this and best that.

"Audioslave", supported by "And you will know us by the trail of the dead."

AYWKUBTTOTD - were rubbish really, two drummers, and they kept switching positions, so the lead guitarist becamse the drummer, becamse the keyboard player, who sang and played the tambourine.

Pants frankly, although it was amusing watching the drummers drum in unison. Pointless, but fun.

"Audioslave" - 75% Rage Against the Machine, 25% Soundgarden. Sounds good? So did they. I don't have the new album, just their first, so I didn't know some of the tunes they were playing, but that didn't stop me fucking jumping around as much as I could without falling off the balcony. The other bonuses being that since they have artistic ownership of Rage songs and Soundgarden songs, they can throw those into the mix as well. As Sianodel pointed out it was a good sign that these older tracks did not stand out as being better or worse, they were as cool, and as fucking rock as the rest of them. Better known perhaps, and "Bullet in the Head" had everyone in the place going mental, but "I am the Highway" and "Gasoline" were just as awesome.

Damn Good Gig. Nice to see Sianodel and IamEvil again. I think I lost about six pounds from sweating though, I came out and I could feel my socks squelching. Mmmm tasty.

Weekend, I am meeting with the Nightwarrior crew (visit link at the right please, and go through to NW comic)

I am looking forward to the rain. Dear god I hope it gets colder. I sweat like a paedophile in a penitentiary even in moderate heat, but this is ridiculous.

See you soon folks.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/24/2005 11:12:00 am

 
At last...
I knew there was a reason Bush was voted back in..

Especially numbers: 6, 16, 24, 46, 52, 62, 71, 74, 77, 80, 83, 91, 96-100...
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/21/2005 01:33:00 pm

 
Religious Hatred Bill, and Racial Hatred Ben, the "words beginning with R" Hatred men.
The new Religious Hatred Bill

Now aside from the fact that it is only an amendment, albeit a heavy handed one, to something already existing (presumably the racial hatred one) and therefore makes no sense on its own, it means if I go to (a CofE) church and the sermon given causes me to find new disgust with the Church of England, as is so often the case when I find myself in church.* I can bust the sermoniser, often the priest, or minister (I lose track of what these wackos call their men of the cloth) for inciting religious hatred.

That makes sense doesn't it?

Um...if that bill doesn't stir up hatred of politicians in you then I think there may be something wrong with your emotional make up. (Too much eyeliner) Only it doesn't protect politicians, which means that it is fine to stir up hatred (thank fuck) provided you don't use racial grounds or religious grounds.

So colour is ok.
as is weight, stance on abortion, opinion of the Spice Girls, sexuality and ethnicity.

Glad we cleared that up then.

*For your reference Bishop Jim, astrology was around a mite before Jesus was, like maybe 2 or 3 thousand years before...fuckwit.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/21/2005 12:50:00 pm

 
Reviews and shit...
Batman Begins

The first Batman film, or at least the first for a while. It's brilliant. Nolan (who apparently is a real tosser) seems to have done an outstanding job of making sure that the tone of the whole thing is perfect, the darkness is there, Gotham is believable and nasty, dank and dirty, but still beautiful in places. In a cast of heavyweight stars he has managed to make Bale shine and not be outdone by any of the others. Rutger Hauer, Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy, Tom Wilkinson and Katie Holmes sounds like the cast of Disney's next attempt to animate something as well as Pixar, but these are all real, internal, powerful performances. Again, Brilliant. It has the gadgets, the gothicity of Gotham, the Tumbler (oh yeah) and Christian Bale in hopefully the first of many Batman films. This is a return to Batman form, and is arguably better than even Tim Burton's. Everyone is going to see it anyway, so here endeth...

Ong Bak is a film not everyone will go and see. It is a film which if you have ever considered watching a single martial arts film, you should see. "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" was such a kick in the teeth for decent martial arts movies, it almost put me off them, and I'm a fan. The wire work would have insulted a blind four year old, and the plot was a piece of shit as well. The weapons were about as fake as the Crazy Frog and there were scenes in it that looked like they were being played in fast forward.

The makers of CTHD insulted their viewers. When Bruce Lee was being filmed they had to slow down his fighting to make it visible on camera, so why oh why are people speeding up fighting movements. Why don't they find someone who can fight instead?

Ong Bak is a return to form for the genre. It's tagline promises no wires, no computer effects and no something else that slips my mind. It delivers beautifully.

The plot is fairly basic, although ultimately satisfying, concerning the theft of the head of a small village's deity. The village sends its champion, "Ting" to Beijing to find it. And it goes from there.

With stunts you wouldn't believe, characters whom you care about, and several awesome set pieces this is something that anyone who has ever wanted to belt someone in the face should watch. The budget is small, but the talent is huge.

U2, Twickenham Stadium, Sunday 19th...

oh yeah...

Nice weather for reptiles recently. Far too hot for the rest of us - or me at any rate. I swear it should be made legal to execute any man who takes his shirt off without being assured by at least five gay friends that he isn't offending against humanity. Anyone with acne on their back should be sewn into their shirts until it clears up.

Yuk, frankly.

Anyway, back to U2. We were in block 216, right at the back, right at the top... where it was cool, under cover, away from the sun... nice...

Idlewild, not really stadium music, but nice to see again.

Ash, pants as always, but what can you do?

U2, great. I don't never been to a stadium gig before, being a country boy and all, so it were cool to be up top for this one. I could see everything laid out in front of me, and with the aid of my trusty binoculars [free with some breakfast cereal] I watched the antlike people scurrying around on stage.

Awesome gig. I don't like HTDAAB as much as their early stuff, but they did Sunday Bloody Sunday, and all the hits as well, and they were great.

I do have to say however, and I am sure that my status as a miserable fuckhead will be enhanced by this, but I'm not all that fired up by "Make Poverty History"

Firstly, poverty is relative. I know they don't mean it in a relative sense, but it is. The rich will always be richer than the poor, and the talented and driven will [mostly] be richer than the untalented and lazy.

Secondly, there is an issue which preys on my mind a mite more than poverty. An issue which the G8 should be addressing in serious depth, and which will undoubtedly take a back seat to the "poverty" discussions, which will have been forced upon the delegates by Geldof and the rest of the great unwashed.

Global Warming. It isn't new news. What is boils down to is "We're all going to die. Sometime in the next 250 years." You saw "The Day After Tomorrow." ? Well, do you honestly believe anyone from that would have survived in the long term? Not a chance. Six months down the line they would be eating each other trying to survive.

Now I know that poverty is a terrible thing, and that is is killing millions of people all over the world, but global warming is a more terrible thing, and will kill billions of people all over the world if we don't start doing something very very soon.

Neither of those is a superfluous superlative, in case you were wondering.

I don't mean car sharing either, I mean bending Dubya over and threatening to let Geldof push a nuke up his ass unless he cuts CO2 emissions all over the USA and falls into line with the rest of the world on emissions etc.

We might be able to make poverty history within the next five years, but if we ignore global warming, we'll be making ourselves history by the time our grandchildren are old enough to curse us for our short sightedness.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/20/2005 11:13:00 am

 
Two films...
Batman Begins - inspired. Wonderfully cast, I enjoyed every minute and can't wait to see them do some more Batman.

Ong Bak - If you only ever see one martial arts film, see this one. It has probably the best action in any film of its kind, including Bruce Lee films in my opinion, and has none of that "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Strings" bollocks that trashes that sort of film. Kung Fu Hustle looks funny, but I'll bet it has nothing on this.

More to come when I get back to work and have more time to waste.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/19/2005 11:55:00 am

 
Chapters 3 and 4... an hit, a palpable hit!
So I returned victorious, clasping what looked like a large, wood mounted bar of imperial leather without it's little red sticker. I had managed to talk Paul into letting me have first custody of the award, on the grounds that I was going to see my parents and would like to show it to them. He kindly let me carrying it off, in my grubby little mitts, (and strangely, the material they are made of gets dirty tremendously quickly) which returned, after the Brunette picked me up from my Brighton digs in the morning, to London.

I had time to put my bags down in the newly tidy flat, transfer the contents of one to another so that the Brunette could use the aforementioned first bag, check my email and then we left, heading for sunny Somerset with the promise of salmon for supper.

We only got lost a little bit. I have a talent for getting us lost on the way to my parents house from London. I daresay I could do it from Manchester as well. It may be some deep seated psychological problem I have, or it might just be that the Brunette can't follow directions. She claims it is to do with my shoddy map-reading, heh, as if...

Salmon for supper, and the rest of the meal constructed out of what there was left over in the fridge.

Saw the piggles, who were remarkably flaky. If you pat them a tremendous cloud of skin flakes would puff into the air. I suppose that is where Bacon-Bitz come from...pig dandruff...

The rentals have acquired another goose, after one of the pair they used to have drowned itself. Frankly I'm appalled. They are the most annoying animal the rentals have ever had, bar the first goose we had. They make a tremendous amount of noise, and for shit all good - they don't lay eggs we can eat, and the rentals have no intention of killing them. It cost me good money to find someone willing to shuffle the first one off its mortal coil, and while the new one is quieter than the first one, they are still an evil vicious pair of oversized ducks.

Using the internet at home is always frustrating. I don't NEED broadband, but living without it is unthinkable... damn, even checking emails is annoying...

Finished watching "Desperate Housewives", the Brunette has decided to act jealous because I know the name of the short dark one who sleeps with the gardener. Hmm....

Saw the rentals anyway, briefly, and my bro, who now has MRSA on his leg...

Saw "Return of the Sith" as well, and wondered if Mr Lucas put an anagrammatical clue in the title... for the slower of you, just try moving the "h" in Sith around.... clever eh?

Frankly, "pants it was" "an hour of my life a waste of it was", go read Maddox if you want a scorchingly bad, funny, and fairly intelligent review.

My brother has hair like Keith from the Prodigy at the mo. Only not pink.

Then we drove up the Wales England border, going by way of Ludlow and stopping overnight in Church Stretton, to the Brunette's folks.

Went to see Sin City. It rocks - I love it. I think people who have not read the comic books might not get it, I think anyone who claims it is not Noir is kidding themselves, no matter what they think their qualifications to argue the case might be.

Sin City is Noir's next stage of evolution, arguably not for the better. The Femme fatale has been taken to the extreme in the form of the girls of old town, the main characters have been created out of Noir characters filed down to their bare extremities, their motivations. The storylines are Noir storylines at an extreme, the art is a physical manifestation of Film Noir storytelling.

The film perhaps did not tell the story in the best way from the story's point of view. I love the fact that Miller and Rodriguez kept so much of it frame for frame, but I can see how this will go over the heads of at least 50% of the viewers, possibly more, and that is not what a film should do. It should open up Sin City to a wider audience who might then go and read the comics, whereas it really plays to the fans of the books, and everyone else is left laughing along with the in joke they don't really understand. Some people laugh, others don't.

In any event, finally Tarantino finds his niche in film making...he is a fight/violence director. Kill Bill was his unconscious attempting to tell him that. It has no storyline, no characters to speak of, nothing in it workth watching except the violence.

Sin City was great. I'm so pleased that at least one of the big films I have been awaiting this year has been good. I'm hoping Batman will be good as well, and then later in the year, HP4 might well be watchable.

www.theFreeDictionary.com defines it as:

film noir
n.
1. A movie characterized by low-key lighting, a bleak urban setting, and corrupt, cynical characters.

http://encyclopedia.laborlawtalk.com defines it as:

Film noir tends to feature characters trapped in situations (often not of their own making) and making choices out of desperation. Frequent themes are murder/crime, infidelity, jealousy, corruption, betrayal, and hopeless fatalism.

Film noir is at its core pessimistic. The stories it tells are of people trapped in a situation they did not want, often a situation they did not create, striving against random uncaring fate, and usually doomed. Almost all film noir plots involve the hard-boiled, disillusioned male (often a private eye) and the dangerous femme fatale. Usually because of sexual attraction or greed, the male commits vicious acts, and in the end both he and the femme fatale are punished or even killed for their actions.

Technical aspects
Films noirs tend to include dramatic shadows and stark contrast (a technique called low-key lighting). Technically speaking, film noir specifies a movie made using monochrome, high contrast images, typically a 10:1 ratio of light to dark, rather than the more typical 3:1 ratio. Film noir in this sense makes use of deep shadows and carefully directed lighting. Since films using this technique usually fit the genre described above, the term lost its technical meaning and became the name of the genre itself.

http://www.bighousefilm.com/ and Roger Westcombe talk about Noir here

Noir’s ‘spiderweb’ of fate

A defining film noir characteristic (notably absent from many pseudo-noirs of modern times) is fatalism. One small misstep, such as a petty crime, minor evasion - even a ‘white lie’ - sends our doomed protagonist, typically an ‘ordinary Joe’ American male, into a quicksand of obliteration made only more intractable by his futile attempts to escape. A ‘spiderweb of deceit’ is how it’s often described. This is what happens in the noir underworld, but it tells us something of ordinary peoples’ attitudes and expectations. That such minor transgressions could lead to such out-of-control punishments suggests an air of hysteria, even moral panic.

The ‘look’ of noir
Being fundamentally an action genre, and often low budget thrillers, noir used a strong, punchy filmmaking style for maximum impact. Besides its thematic elements which could include fatalism, alienation and transgression, its look was the other half of the noir equation. These films’ long, sharply-defined shadows, frames bathed in inky blackness, tilted camera angles and claustrophobic compositions created an overall aesthetic of nocturnal, subterranean unreality that is easily recognised (and imitated).

Film noir linked this look to its dark plotlines to express themes of shadowy motivations and bleak prospects. Using visual elements in this way to express the story is the basis of Expressionism, an extreme visual style of heightened perceptions. Its sense of drama is at the opposite pole from the style of ‘realism’. Expressionist visual techniques were pioneered in Germany during the 1920s and redeployed in 1940s Hollywood by refugee filmmakers fleeing Hitler like Fritz Lang, Billy Wilder, Robert Siodmak, Edward Dmytryk and Fred Zinnemann, all of whom are strongly associated with the noir style.

(There is no easy formula to what constitutes film noir. One of the greatest noirs of the 1940s drew on neither Expressionism nor even Hollywood for its strength [though it did draw on the American hardboiled fiction common to film noir]. This is Visconti’s version of James M.Cain’s The Postman Always Rings Twice, renamed Ossessione (1942), which used realism to link the pulp novel to topical local concerns, so beginning the Italian ‘neo-realist’ movement.)

The ‘femme fatale’

The 1940s also brought a major challenge in the area of gender and family roles. The male draft combined with the industrial mobilisation for the war effort (the entire U.S. auto industry ceased making cars from 1942-46 to concentrate on armaments) made women the primary source of factory workers for the huge number of vacancies. The previous female stereotype of the housewife financially dependent on the male was blown away. This was called the ‘Rosie-the-Riveter’ syndrome.

Soldiers returning from the stresses of war came home to newly independent women unlike those they’d left behind. Arising from this new male anxiety and eternal male fantasies of women was the ‘femme fatale’, a siren-like figure of desire whose distinctive characteristics, compared to previous female archetypes, were her independence, strength and ruthless desire.

A key element of this strength is her sexual forthrightness. The femme fatale is not passive when it comes to desire. She takes action to get what - and whom - she wants with a directness and aggression previously reserved for male players. As a result she is sometimes labelled a ‘predator’, despite acting no differently from accepted male norms.

It’s vital to understand this gender development as just one part of the overall noir context. Stereotypes of dangerous women, such as ‘the vamp’ from the 1920s, were not new, and without the other elements such as uncertainty, destabilisation and transgression which coalesced into film noir, the femme fatale wouldn’t have existed. Nor must every film noir include a femme fatale; many don’t. She reinforces film noir’s fatalism. The Ordinary Joe American is helpless to resist the lure of the ‘spiderwoman’ at the heart of these movies, just as America felt helpless to resist being drawn in to a European conflict as dark and shadowy as those darn Europeans’ movie-making style!

A particularly essential feature of this archetype is structural. The true femme fatale forms a triangle with a married couple. She’s a ‘stray electron’, threatening the stability of their nuclear family. More than just attracting the easily duped noir protagonist, she lures him into eliminating the ‘passive spouse’. This spouse may be either his wife or her husband, but either way they are portrayed as inadequately fulfilling the marriage’s needs – for excitement, mainly. The femme fatale thus occupies a space of transgression, of crossing over into illicit desires and actions.

The femme fatale is a key element in noir’s crossing over to the dark side of human nature. She arose as a response to threatened male authority but the needs of the thriller to excite audiences made her so exotic and intriguing (if not necessarily attractive) that she’s still compelling today.

Interestingly, Sin City ticks all the boxes, heavily ticks them, in fact, it takes almost all of the points to extremes. Like I said...

I realise that this is becoming an epic read, but I want to get it done, so can get back to posting whatever I so desire, or nothing, like the rest of you slack bastards.

Spent a couple of days in the North. Came home, looked for job, couldn't find one, so I came back to NPL, where I sit, typing this.

I have done my maths, and if I plunder every resource available to me, I should be able to afford to go to Edinburgh if Komedia will have me. They might not, we shall see...

So at the moment I go back to the boring, but reasonably pleasant job of trying to build my finances back up and not spend money on shit things I don't need. Then I might learn to drive, and I shall also be writing a summary of Legionnaire so I can send it out to publishers and agents, and preparing to write "The Aura of the Sea" this November, in Nanowrimo 2006...

Saw TigerLillies at Soho with Brunette and Sianodel. Most good, most good indeed. it took all my willpower not to look at the merchandising stall afterwards, as i know damn well they have about 9 albums out which I don't have, and had I any money it would have been spent... brilliant gig...beautiful music, and the occasional song about kicking babies down the stairs... what more could you want?

Going to see U2 on Sunday, Audioslave on the 22nd, Unpacked on the 26th...damn what an exciting life I lead... and thank fuck it's all paid for already...

I'll be the one drinking tap water!

ciao for now, and post damn you!
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/14/2005 11:41:00 am

 
Not chapter 3, but something interesting...
I became interested in google maps because someone allegedly reached my blog through a google maps page.

My life has, of today [the day of returning to work at a job I don't really want to do] once again begun to revolve around me being either here or here

when really I want to be here

drinking eerie ale amongst bells books and candles.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/13/2005 03:04:00 pm

 
Chapter 2...as promised
Right folks, the chapter in which Platform 1 ceases to be...

I realise I missed out a show in my listings. We also had "Whatever Happened to Anthony Zendon" on in the last week - a show about a school reunion and a generation without any heroes. The reason I forgot it was because I didn't manage to see it. The day I was planning to see it, on the Sunday, they had such a good crowd that I wasn't able to get in. It got a reasonable review, if memory serves, and I was impressed by the fact that everyone who came to see it paid. I think over the entire run the Director comped in perhaps three people. All the other shows, even Go Fish, which did so well, were comping in ten or twelve people a night.

Anyroad. Sunday gradually rolled around, with Paul and myself being unable to see any other shows due to being so busy. [ I saw one other show during my time in Brighton, which was called "Hitting Funny" and was on at the Nightingale. It sucked ass big time - not funny, nor thought provoking. A waste of almost two hours of drinking time.] Slaughterhouse came and went, but not before sampling a great many of Brighton's curry houses, and nearly getting into a fight defending Keifer/Gunter's honour. Unpacked were first in on Sunday, and first out, although they had another show, so they stuck around for a while, then Flickering Truths came, performed, and lost her sandal, which never did turn up. Zendon came in, overran, and went. Carole turned up, paced nervously for the duration of the first show, which we had to cancel, and then performed and went.

Highlights of the festival included:

The audience member who came to see Changed Priorities in the first week and liked it so much that he went out flyering the next day for them, without telling them. They bumped into him on the street. He came to see the show show on three nights of their five night run.

Fish Dancing, the show, and the company, who were lovely. [With special thanks to the waitress from Frankie and Johnny's, who we kept working till two in the morning on their last night, two hours past their closing time.]

Slaughterhouse's reviewer, and her partially sighted companion.

Unpacked helping me discover that physical theatre isn't all pretentious toss.

Next!

Dragging myself in on Monday with a pounding head and eyes gummed shut from lack of sleep. I'm used to not going to bed before it is light, but normally I haven't been drinking beer all night.

Tore everything down, fairly quickly, after a slight hiccup, in that Polar wasn't open till a couple of hours after we thought it was. We piled everything into the van, and that went back to London. Paul went to watch Phil Starr, I went back to bed.

Later however, we had the privilege of having been nominated for three awards, whilst our companies had been nominated for: Best Children's Show (Lion and Albert), Best Show (Changed Priorities), Best Comedy Act (Slaughterhouse Live), Best Actor (Mac from Fish Dancing, and Gilbert from 4th Violin), Best Actress (Zoe from 4th Violin, and Max from Go Fish)

Platform 1 had been nominated for "Best Fringe Venue", as well as "Best Innovation", and Paul and I had been nominated jointly for "Personality of the Fringe"

Well, it was a glamourous night in the Spiegeltent. The first night that I had been down there, since the queues are horrible and the beer prices are simply scary.

We turned up early for the champagne reception, which was lucky, because we didn't have to queue, and everyone who arrived after us did. By the time they managed to get into the tent's surrounds the champers was gone.

Gary and Will were back from Slaughterhouse, as they had been informed they had won Best Comedy Act of Brighton 2005.

During the evening we were treated to hits from La Clique, which had been the hit of the fringe, and won everything it was put up for. These included the Caesar twins, who do acrobatics on each other as it were, I don't really know how to describe it, but they do handstands on each others head etc. Also appearing was Ursula Martinez, who won Personality of the Fringe, who does a magic trick, where she makes a hankerchief disappear, then "appears" it from somewhere, then removes the item of clothing from which it appeared from and does it again, ending with full nudity and the handkerchief appearing from... well I'll let your imaginations run wild. Yes, it does appear from there.

We also had comedy from Boothby Graffoe (very funny)as well as another comedian, whose name I can't remember, who was very funny. I will update this when I get a copy of Latest covering the awards, which should list him. Music from Jarn [I'm guessing the spelling] which was wicked, from Los Albertos [great jazz ska], and other people, who I can't be bothered to name.

In short, Platform 1 won best innovation.












Sorry for the picture splurge, I don't know how to make them have text around them. The one on its side is for the text, which fucking paintbrush chopped off when I rotated them. I need better picture software, and I can't find the disk off hand.

But we won anyway, which was cool. We accepted out award from someone who I have never heard of or seen.

We then got pissed again, having found a tent containing free booze.... bonus.

Came home the day afterwards. Hungover again.

until next time.... that's all folks!


[the mad ski pirate of amsterdam!]
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/10/2005 08:18:00 am

 
Back again
and my apologies, dear reader, for my prolonged absence.

I have spent the last three weeks down in Brighton managing a venue, or perhaps not the last three weeks, because I then took some time off to pop around the UK with the Brunette for a break. She is between films, and I am tired as a big bag of tired things.

So: The story comes in three (or possibly four installments, which I may or may not have the energy to type all at once, so, for references sake, and to show that I am not just slacking my pants off I will promise to deliver the following segments, although I make no guarentees about their length and or quality.#

1 - The last week in Brighton: In which Platform 1 has adventures concerning companies with great shows still getting no audience.

2 - In which Platform 1 ends, and is packed up, but not before winning a prestigious award!

3 - In which I return from Brighton only to find my home town destroyed and my family on the run...no, sorry, that's an Ian Serraileur book. I return from Brighton only t set off again in a frantic search for adventure, and my parents house.

4 - In which Myself and the Brunette venture into the cold grey north of the country and develop something suspiciously like sunburn.

Right. Chapter One, which I can't remember what it should contain any more. **scrolls back up**

Shows in the last week included: Night Visions, Slaughterhouse Live, Carole Jahme is Sexually Selected, The Flickering Truths of a Cruel and Dirty Bitch and Fourth Violin from the Left. I don't think I have missed any out.

Night Visions was a trio of devised pieces by students, which went down very well, a very good house, and Mr Venue Director came out seeming to like it.

The Flickering Truths of a Cruel and Dirty Bitch, a play with words and music by Laura Griffin was an odd one. It showed for free the Saturday before the last one of the festival (I can't be bothered to work the dates out) and it had a very good house, although not everyone was enthralled all the way through. I know it was a bit much for some friends of mine who are not particularly into theatre. I really liked it. It is off the wall bonkers and narrated by the curiously magnetic, but very mad Ms Griffin. It was a trifle long for my taste, and Ms Griffin had a tendency to wander out of her light, but overall it was an interesting and beautiful piece. They are taking it to Edinburgh, to venue 45 - and I wish the company all the best, because it is harder to make an impact up there than it is in Brighton, but I can see it being a piece which could do tremendously well with a good review or two, or it could crash and burn spectacularly. Let's hope the former.

Carole Jahme is Sexually Selected: Saturday and Sunday back to back performances. Bad idea. The audience in Brighton is small enough as it is without splitting your audience between two shows. The first show was cancelled each night, which left an audience just big enough for the later show. Carole was sweet enough, and the show was very good, very interesting, but it needs seven volunteers, so when your audience is made up of fifteen or twenty, you can be bleeeding them dry, and leaving no reaction form the crowd. It was a shame, because it was a good show. I'm waiting for her next one, which I shan't mention here in case I get in trouble.

Slaughterhouse Live - winners of the Latest award for "Best Comedy Show" Brighton Fringe Festival 2005 (sponsored by Bullitt Couriers!) Woot! for them. Quality show! Quality Lads, with a penchant for curry. They have been to Bath Comedy festival, and I hope they did well there, one of them, Martin (the beardy chap from Ray Winstone's gang in Cold Mountain who guts someone) has just landed a job in Camelot up near where the Brunette lives, so we might visit him there, and they are up to Edinburgh as well, so hopefully if I make it up I shall pop along and see them. Probably the reviewing highlight of the month in Brighton was wandering up to them after watching the show (including such highlights as Four Fat Folkers, Graeme Mind, and notably Alan Sonar, blind juggler and inventor of Tabasco Eyedrops) and saying "Your review was in tonight." To which they replied, with eagerness in their eyes, "Did she like it?" I was unable to answer that particular question, as I had not sat in view of the reviewer. I had, however clocked her going in, with her blind son. (or other partially sighted relative)

They were dismayed - but with no due cause. I hope I will see them all again, even if they persist in calling me Russell.

Fourth Violin from the Left - (or Fish Dancing II)

Another awesome show, great, brilliant, amazing. Adjectives are a waste of time. I don't like physical theatre...or so I thought. I now like physical theatre, especially when mixed with puppetry, a great soundtrack, and a story about spooks.
Wow...really. I was incredibly disappointed I didn't get to see it again at the end of the run, but I intend to crash the Central Alumni Party later this month to see it again. Unpacked Theatre are both a force and a pleasure to watch.

BUT the audiences were shit. Everyone who came to see it loved it, but yet again, the audiences were not tempted by such a tremendous show. Damn them. Damn them all.

Right, the Brunette is hovering...must go...

Chapter two coming soon...

and how are you all doing. I have read some of your blogs, Greg, who hasn't posted fopr as long as I haven't, and Brontone, who seems to have had a blog spurt recently.
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/08/2005 06:11:00 pm

 
Will post soon...
I promise, only after a month of me being away, the Brunette is almost impossible to remove from the computer, and the two second rule applies when I'm online. I stand up to welcome her, and when I look back at the computer, she's online...

I will post the rest of the story soon, plus pictures of my award!
- posted by Buntifer @ 6/02/2005 06:52:00 pm