Brilliant - the devil may get the best tunes, but the kids get the best weapons...
QUALITY idea

Now going to war in Iraq with these wouldn't be a bad plan, and the Americans would still be unbeatable, they would just need to shift a different section of theri population over there. These and the guns from bugsy malone and we'd be sorted. Fat, but sorted..
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/31/2005 10:39:00 am

 
The Men Club Commandments - www.kontraband.com
The 37 rules to being a 'Man' !!! (courtesy of b0g.org)

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.

yup...but I would add "at various points during the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, provided the scenes are not those between Frodo and Sam, which have been mocked for their subdued homoeroticism.

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

totally...

3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

even if he murdered someone, unless that someone was a twin, or your younger sister.

4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

yeah...hmmm...well. yeah - agreed.

5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

unless the beer is "beater" in which case mockery may be made. Especially if the friend is single. Who will he be "beating" then?

6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

true.

7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

unfortunately so.

8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

unless it is football in which case the appropriate question is "what the fuck is this crap doing on tv?"

9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

unless a challenge has been laid down. This does not include proper cocktails.

10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

no. Unless they are directly and explicitly threatening your own nuts, or your sister's honour. Never.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

even when in prison unless you can't avoid it, in fact, especially in prison.

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

true.

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

true.

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

true, except in the case of football, in which case they blend right in.

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

yup.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

yup.


17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

yup.

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

yup.

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!

ugh! In fact, probably shouldn't be lifting weights really. There are more manly ways to get fit, like DIY.

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

No, never talk. Exceptions only in the case of impending death. i.e "Tell my wife I love her." **slumps into urinal from fatal heart attack.**

21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

yup.

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

hmmm....might as well..

23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

yup. Or football.

24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

damn right! "He's gone to [insert European country here]" is my chosen response.

25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.

yup.

26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

hmm...ok.


27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

Don't get carried away, unless that is meant literally and you are unable to cry for help, in which case your pal should stand up for you on the witness stand in your rape trial and testify that you're a pussy.

28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

yup.

29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

definately

30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

damn right. Kicks when necessary.

31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

heh. yup.

32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.

yup.

33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

unless the song is "Bohemian Rhapsody" in which case it is so gay that you have to join in to save his reputation, and you have to headbang etc etc..

34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

the only circumstance under which a man should be under an umbrella is when coarse fishing. Other use of umbrellas, whether on your own or with a partner should not be allowed.

35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

yup.

36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

yup. sounds fair.

37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.

damn right.


Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and you’re out of the man club.




The Men Club Commandments // The 37 rules to being a Real ~Man~ !!! (courtesy of b0g.org)

Courtesy of Kontraband

And check out the 3d pong game - but not if you have work to do...
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/30/2005 05:04:00 pm

 
I'm in support of Evan...
I don't know Evan, I've never met Evan, and I am unlikely ever to meet Evan, but I am coming out in support of his dream. I think he's funny. He's funny enough to make it..

and I should probably explain before I rant any more...

Over at Ennui there is a debate going on. I have no idea how I found Ennui, I was probably googling "being bored at work" whilst being bored at work, but it struck a chord...being bored at work probably.

Anyway, I digress.

There is a debate going on over at Ennui about what the owner's roommate Evan should do.

He has a choice apparently at the moment; he has been offered a management position for the internship he has been doing for a year. Just when he was thinking of quitting to go concentrate on his dream of being a comedian. So the decision is:

Money/Security vs. What you want to do

There is a blog poll going on as well....but the wrong side is winning. Everyone over on Ennui is advising him to sack his dream off and go with the money/security/souldestroyingjob...

AAAAGH!

I feel bad for him, because I would be an estate agent now if i hadn't had parents who were supportive of me working in a stupidly low paying industry, friends who push me to go for what I want to do and a girlfriend (nearly wrote girlfiend...heh) who is also supportive and aware that I might not always be able to afford nice presents. (Sorry... )

But I think if I was an estate agent now, the thought of obtaining a gun would be floating around now. In a year, maybe two if I was making enough cash to dull my mind on drugs, I would be thinking seriously about shooting myself, and before i hit thirty I would have shot myself, probably after working my way through the rest of the office, or perhaps somewhere a bit more deserving like Old Trafford. "Going postal" has nothing on "going estate agent"

Anyway, I digress again. This blogpoll needs you, Evan needs you. Go and give the poor bugger some support in following his dream, otherwise it might be you he's staring at over the sight of a semi-automatic-weapon-he-bought-in-the-post a few years down the line...

Following your dream is an important part of being who you are. Some people have the dream of making loads of money, and for them a management job that leads onto the ladder is the right way to go, they might make it as an estate agent. Some people dream of teaching a generation to read, and these people make up our teachers. Some people dream of living for ever - these people don't do much because they think they have loads of time. Some people dream of making millions of people laugh - laughter is a very important thing, especially as the world gets darker, when we have politicians like Bush and Balir in charge it is important to keep laughing, because otherwise we run the risk of actually realising how fucked we are. The world needs more comedians. The world needs no more office managers.

In fact, an Office Manager is what I am trying hard not to become. Reed are slowly moving me up the ranks (well , maybe not) but I'm hoping to "make it" before I start being put into temporary Office Manager situations. Wait till legionnaire hits the shelves...then I'll be happy..until then just remember 90% of murders occur in the home...so if I'm not answering the phone....

"Some men work in fields of oil, some lead lives of danger,
some men want to be gynaecologists, working with orifices,
But the men who are above it all, are the men who manage the offices..."

Apologies to Otis for mangling his lyrics, but I thunk it was appropriate.

Go on...give Evan some support. He isn't going to base his decision on the poll, but damn, he needs to know that not everyone out there advises him to fuck his dream in the ass and become an office manager.
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/30/2005 08:56:00 am

 
ho finito...e sono stanco...
-----Original Message-----
From: Co**n L*a [mailto:Co**n.L*a@n*l.co.uk]
Sent: 18 March 2005 11:15
To: Mail_N*L
Subject: COME AND BE AMAZED: Monday 11.00-15.00h

Yes, please do come. Your colleagues are very proud of their laboratories and would love to show you.

This is good solid "backbone of N*L" science, on which the business depends, combined with a high "wow" factor. If you have not visited these labs before, you will be surprised. And you may learn something new about our capability, to the advantage of your own work or life.

Monday 21 March
Laboratories open 11.00-15.00h
Follow the yellow circles from the ground floor of Modules 6 and 7.
....................................................................................................................

FORCE, TORQUE & HARDNESS
Module 7: G7-L9 and G7-L20

N*L's Force, Torque, and Hardness Standards provide tracecable measurements to all areas of UK industry.
Come and be stunned by our comprehensive suite of force standard machines, including one of the largest deadweight machines in the world, used to calibrate Thrust SSC's engine monitoring systems.
Be amazed by the machines which provide traceability for the millions of hardness tests carried out each year.
And marvel at the best torque machine in the world!

This is where I work...every day I get to "Marvel at the best torque machine in the world!"

Do I love my job? Hmmm.....well that's a question requiring a definition of "love" and personally it certainly wouldn't be any definition I've ever used.

Perhaps if "love" meant: despise, am bored by and want to leave as soon as anything that looks remotely better comes along.

then yes, perhaps I would "love" my job, but then I wouldn't "love" the brunette...so I better be careful with my definitions here.

I don't love my job, in fact I despise it, am bored by it and want to leave as soon as anything that looks remotely better comes along.

But at least my shows are over so I can relax and do some writing/editing now...Legionnaire here I come. After this damn proposal...

I am back at work, and unfortunately I have lots to do, but not because there is lots of work to do, but because there is a new guy, so i do my work, then i check his work, then I do his work, then I let him do my work on the training database so he can practise, then check that. He asks stupid questions and learns about as quickly as rapidly as Bob Monkhouse learns new jokes (Bob Monkhouse is dead, for those of you out of touch with what's hip and happening and what is dead and mouldy)

I am finally free, and my mind is very disconnected. Sianodel and I have a proposal to do for a theatre award which shall not here be named, in case they come to my blogspot and think that my ramblings make me unsuitable to be in charge of lots of cash, which is not the case, but given some of what I post they might think it is. It would be interesting if they googled my name, it would be an intelligent move on their part, but might turn up some worms they don't want to find...

Reading a new Boris Akunin novel that Sianodel has lent me. Very good.

Read Watchmen the other day. Very very good.

Read a new Sin City book. Pretty damn hot.

Sianodel has booked tickets to see Eels, the Tiger Lillies, and Audioslave. We already have tickets to see U2. I'm looking forward to all these gigs...

Now I have time I have sooo much to do. I have another script that I owe the guys at Night Warrior, although I don't think they are in a massive hurry, as I have done them several previous to this, which haven't been picked up by any of their artists etc, which is disappointing, but I am gonna have to wait till it gets nearer the time of release for them to put people onto them, so i guess I am in no massive hurry to finish this one. I have an adventure i have been promising Sianodel for ages, which I should finish so I can play that with him. I have Legionnaire to edit and send out to Ms Philoprogenitation, Sianodel, perhaps Mr Goulden as well...

So much to do, so little free time, so much time spent wasting life at work....aah the pleasures of ...nope.

I don't want to stop writing this, so you are going to have a big rambling pile of bollocks to sift through. I haven't had a chance to blog fro so long that I feel I want to keep blathering for as long as possible. I was thinking about publishing a new story i wrote while i was at work, but I have decided to keep it private, as it might be worth chcuking at competitions. I have been training myself up for being an author by applying for loads of jobs. Now I am entirely used to sending things in the mail and never hearing anything back or occasionally getting letters which start with things like "Unfortunately" and "You have not made it.." etc and finish up with the fuckpigs saying "best of luck" yeah, best of cancer to you too...

In fact, the Royal Mail almost defies entropy. You put job applications in at one end, and at the other you get...nothing....no heat, no light, no sound....like they melted down into their individual atoms and dispersed with no release of energy. In fact I think London is powered solely by the energy released by the breakdown of job applications. it is why it's called the city of broken dreams. I know for a fact that I power Twickenham, Hammersmith and Kensington and Chelsea, occasionally covering for areas like Greenwich and Docklands when the energy need increases.

So apologies for the recent brown-outs. I've been working on a a show, so I apply less frequently. But don't worry, I'll be providing fuel again soon, and i hear that manuscripts provide much more fuel...

going


going


gone
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/29/2005 08:52:00 am

 
English Genius
You scored 93% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 83% Expert!
You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.



My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 38% on Beginner

You scored higher than 34% on Intermediate

You scored higher than 54% on Advanced

You scored higher than 88% on Expert

If you liked my test, send it to your friends!

The Commonly Confused Words Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/19/2005 11:27:00 pm

 
Night Warrior
Go visit Night Warrior you miserable bunch of bastards...

This is a new link to the comic, but each click through to the comic site will boost us higher up the rankings - so go...visit...read or not (they can't tell)

but it is worth having a look at...

last one there's a rotton calamari
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/18/2005 12:57:00 pm

 
The Wandering Wemic
Those of you with razor sharp eyes may have spotted a new link on the right...

The Wandering Wemic

Fresh from the mind of Sianodel Meliamne, this inn taproom hosts stories and poetry directly from the Sea Ward in Waterdeep. It's the local of Lord Alamar Evermist, Elf-Friend, of Waterdeep, who enjoys a quiet drink with his companions Seren Shambling, Moussama Dawnsong and Sianodel on many a stormy night, so get some cocoa, or some ale, and go read some stories. If you have time, pop up the road to Rambould House, and say hello. It's always nice to meet someone who isn't trying to kill me.

[Unless you are trying to kill me, in which case I would rather you toddled back home and rethought the matter]
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/16/2005 12:38:00 pm

 
"Break Away" Finborough Theatre
written by Dameon Garnett directed by Claire Lovett.

other details here

This is the most recent play I am working on, opping lights and sound etc. So far it seems to be going well. It is nice to be back in the Finborough, back in the tech box I remember, listening to the cast flushing the toilet and then cursing when they realise that it can be heard on stage, and occasionally wincing at the music Neil has on in the office...it's fun.

The play is pretty good, Guardian review here which I think is pretty fair on most counts, and has yielded some good quotes. It is a shame it wasn't slightly more in favour, but I think it has enough positive points to make people want to come and see it. We have had better audiences already than Eyes Catch Fire had in its first couple of weeks, plus the author being a teacher means that he can bring down a vanload of kids each week so we are sold out for at least one show a week, sometimes two...

Last week's load of kids seemed to like it. The collective indrawing of breath as Aunti Pauline says "you miserable cunt" for the first time was responsible for an area of deep low pressure being created acorss most of Kensington and Chelsea, almost crashing two aircraft that were overhead as this phenomenon occured. The craning of necks as Stella disrobes/appears in dishabille was also interesting to watch from the tech box. I couldn't see anything other than the silhouetted backs of their heads as all the boys in the auditorium gave themselves whiplash from jerking awake...

The get-in was remarkably painless, with much of the set prefab before it came in, so it was a case of bring it in, nail it down. All the lights from the Finborough were taken down and lights from the Court were put up, the tech box was stripped and equipment was brought in, again from the Court. It's all nice, and I was aided in the painlessness by the fact that everyone seemed to have their own little job to do, in their own section, and they just put their heads down and did it, whereas I had no idea what was going on, what was going where, or when, so I limited my self to wandering around helping out where I could, and pointing out potential problems that I could see springing up here and there. All in all the only thing that took forever was the lighting, and that now looks damn good...

I am back at work now, which is tiring me out, and leaving me with little inspiration for writing, but I thought I should post this, as it has been sitting in draft form for a couple of days.

Anyway - I tried a Quizno's sub the other day. I have to say I'm not impressed. i went for something that looked very similar to the BMT upon which I base the monster sub detailed below, and it just didn't cut the mustard.

1 - Almost twice as expensive for half as much - BIG problem here folks - you don't buy a sub for a snack, you buy a sub because you're hungry. It should be big enough to smother two princes in a tower to death with, and in order to carry it one should need a horse (my kingdom for a horse)

2 - No bread selection. White or brown. I'm unimpressed. I don't mind brown bread, but it wasn't very nice brown bread, and the white looked boring.

3 - It looks like they toast all their subs. BAD move. If one toasts cheap salami it oozes grease and oil. I am perfectly aware that salami is oily anyway, but cheap salami oozes nasty oil, and Quizno's uses salami which oozes nasty oil. (Incidentally, it is this phenomenon which is slowly but surely putting me off meat pizzas - the meat tastes fine, but the pizza has foul tasting oil on the top all the time) Keep the salami cold, it tastes much nicer and won't reveal itself for what it really is (horse)

4 - No options. You buy a sub, and they just put everything on it and give it back to you. No choice of mayo or not, or cheese or not, or chilli or not. Problem here. I asked for extra olives, and they seemed to oblige, but there were other problems I am just coming to.

5 - Dealbreaker. They put salad dressing on the salad. Nuff said. Mayo in a sandwich = YES (although I know the Brunette would disagree) but Salad Dressing in a sandwich = NONONONONON) We're not even talking a nice mayo based dressing here - we are talking a bad bottled french salad dressing cut with cheap vinegar and cegetable oil. YUCK. Especially when it dribbles down and mixes with the oily oozing salami. Salad is there to give the illusion that the sub is good for you. In Subway the salad is fresh and crunchy and advertlike, in Quizno's the salad was greasy and limp. (Probably limp because of the heat of the sub rather than from not being fresh but same effect)

All in all: Subway = dix point Quizno's = nul point
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/08/2005 11:43:00 am

 
Rosario Dawson
Carla Gugino
Nick Stahl
Jessica Alba
Rutger Hauer
Clive Owen
Benicio del Toro
Elijah Wood
Brittany Murphy
Jaime King
Bruce Willis
Michael Clarke Duncan
Josh Hartnett
Mickey Rourke
Michael Madsen
Alexis Bledel

Oh yeah motherfucker...it looks good.

This trailer isn't as good as the last one, but it shows a few more people and gives a better idea of what the structure of the whole is going to be, which is a good thing...the cutting is sloppy, and I think bits of it are not quite trailer worthy, but yeah man, oh yeah!!
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/08/2005 09:59:00 am

 
FRI**E RE**RT
www.frin***eport.com
Cargo
Verdict: Immigration drama

London - Oval House - 9-26 Feb 04
Four characters inform and move the audience, although they revert to stereotype. The opinionated and passionate Branko returns to naive ignorance. Mira - the one female passenger, whose beliefs include tarot and a deep conviction that there is still ‘hope’ - is clearly doomed from the outset: tragedy and suffering are part of her past and future. Ivan is an older and wiser character, a doctor. Damia is the complementary baddy – he aptly draws the death card in the climactic scene.

Perhaps the inevitability is intended, and the stress of the play lies in emphasizing the difficulties emigrants are known to encounter - in which case predictability is not relevant. As a whole - both visually and as a piece of writing - the play has a rounded, satisfying structure. Character development is formulaic, so it is hard to experience empathy.

An effective and simple set design allows the actors to move freely between the boxes that make up the initial cargo. A tense rhythm gradually builds on a dynamic rectangle of stage for a claustrophobic journey from Croatia to Britain.

Cast Credits: (alpha order): Maria Corcobado – Mira. Steven Miller – Branko. Ted Pleasance - Ivan. Ian Rose - Damia.

Company Credits: Writer – Ben Richards. Director - Michael Longhurst. Designer - Polly Webb-Wilson. Lighting Design - Sherry Coenen. Original Composition - Toby Knowles. Additional Sound Design - Jenny Kent, Thomas Kyle. Mira’s Theme - Ben Richards. Cello - Alex Sylvester. Stage Manager - Dan Staniforth. Artwork - Elizabeth Emanuel. Deputy Stage Manager - Chris Stokes. Production Consultant - Davina Shah. Fight Director - Rachel Brown Williams. Accent Support - Elspeth Morrison. Programme Design - Eloise Emanuel. Producer – Eloise Emanuel.

END

(c) Lara App**yi 2005

reviewed 26 February 05 / The Oval House Theatre

reviews@fring**eport.com

Fri**e Repo** (c) Fri**e Repo** 2005


I have pinched this off Fri**erep*rt. I have never read such a factually inaccurate report - they have the characters completely arse about tit, even in the credits - WHICH WERE IN THE FUCKING PROGRAM...

Not a terrible review - although essentially pointless as it seems to sit on the fence too much, but Christ! Get the facts right...

**update** Hence the stars - They updated their facts after checking with Eloise, the producer and have credited me with the corrections...heh...
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/08/2005 09:44:00 am

 
Heh

TOLKIEN FUNDAMENTALIST:

Hellfire and brimstone for anyone who dares
blaspheme the Holy Name of Tolkien!!! You
scare the shit out of the rest of the fandom.
Even the Conservatives, who share your
reverence for canon and distaste for deviation
from the same, back up a few steps when they
encounter you. You need help. Now.


Tolkienology 101: What is Your Tolkien Belief System?
brought to you by Quizilla
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/07/2005 10:25:00 pm

 
Discrimination
This is a posting from the Axts Counxil Enxland "arts jobs" mailing list. Please send any response direct to the sender rather than replying to the list itself.
----------
Our vision is to promote the arts at the heart of national life, reflecting
England's rich and diverse cultural identity. We believe that the arts
have the power to transform lives and communities, and create
opportunities for people throughout the country.

Trainee Administrator, Visual Arts and Literature
Ref EM053

18 months fixed term contract
c. £15,000 pa + benefits

The Axts Counxil is proud to support the creativity and development of
disability and arts, artists and organisations. We continually encourage
new applicants to our funding schemes as well as supporting exciting
creative initiatives in association with local authorities and
organisations.

We now seek a disabled person to train as an Administrator for 18 months,
learning the processes of arts administration. The successful applicant
will work in our Visual Arts and Literature department and there will also
be placements to other arts organisations. Skills in arts administration
will be developed which will enable the trainee to seek employment in the
arts on completion of the contract..

Applicants must have some relevant work experience, demonstrable
administrative skills, effective communication skills and a commitment to
equal opportunities. Occasional out of hours work is required.
Consideration will also be given to candidates who wish to undertake the
post part-time and extend the period of contract.

This post is reserved for disabled people under the provisions of The
Disability Discrimination Act 1995

Closing date is 5pm on 4 April 2005
Interviews will be held in Nottingham in April
For more info please visit our website http://www.axtscounxil.org.uk or
contact us on mailto:jobs.em@axtscounxil.org.uk or 0115-989-7523
if you require the information in an alternative format

Axts Counxil Enxland is committed to equal opportunities in recruitment
and employment. We welcome applications from people from ethnic minorities
who are currently under represented in our organisation.


Right - Nobody can say now that it is wrong to discriminate - How can anyone forbid one from posting a job and specifying "No disabilities please." Because if you can do it one way - you can do it the other.

Anyroad - "indiscriminate" is never used in a positive context, however much employers are urged by the government to award positions indiscriminately to candidates. Discrimination is a necessity of life, if we ate things indiscriminately we would poison ourselves rapidly - one of the crucial points of childhood is the increasing ability to discriminate between what is good and what is bad.

Why therefore is the government so keen for us not to discriminate? Because a discriminating public will see its failings all the more easily? Because a discriminating public will see the differences and the similarities between the government and its opponents and be able to make a decision based on that discrimination.

No wonder they want us to vote indiscriminately, to employ indiscriminately - because if our actions are indiscriminate we are easier to control and to predict and we will not be able to see the wool as it is pulled over our eyes.

Stand up for discrimination - If an employer wants someone intelligent, they should have the right to employ someone intelligent, if an employer wants a lady for the job, they should have the right to employ a lady, if they want someone whose out of hours life is unencumbered with emotional baggage or children, let them employ someone who meets their criteria. Let them discriminate, because that way, the best people get the jobs and the losers lose. That's evolution folks.

What happens after evolution stops? Life dies.

Frankly, it just kind of disgusts and upsets me.
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/07/2005 09:17:00 am

 
Hmmm... and on to the next one
Right. Cargo is finished now, and it was fun. We finished up on the 26th Feb with the last three nights being pretty much full, which is always nice, although the odd structure of the Oval House's weeks [Wed-Sat shows, then Sun-Tue off] meant that we felt like we had had four discrete runs of 4 nights rather than a long run, which was a shame because the actors had not felt as settled as they might have done if we had had a longer run with follow through.

Finish up at nine forty five, and then it is time for get out. Get out's are ok, but usually everyone is hung over, and they wander about aimlessly, tidying bits of gaff off the floor while a few people do all the hard work. We weren't hung over because we had not started drinking, but it was ten o'clock at night. The director had booked a table at a local restaurant for half ten, which had me and the lighting operator almost in tears of laughter. The Mike said that he reckoned we could book for ten thirty and get there at eleven. Hmmm...


So we finished up, cleared a little and began to get the cardboard up off the floor. It had been carpet taped to the floor, which was made up of rubberish tiles. Carpet tape is duct tape's perverted little brother, and consists only of the sticky shit from duct tape. Under carpet, I can imagine it might come up slightly easier, under cardboard, it just stuck the cardboard to the floor so hard that it ripped either side of the tape.

It took us till Half eleven to get the tape off one end of the space floor, at which point Jason and I began to put the seating back to its original outlook, a job made quicker by the fact that the staff of Oval house had locked one or two vital pieces into an office that nobody left in the building had access to, so we couldn't do the seating as thoroughly as we should have had to.

At midnight we finished peeling up the shit from the floor, with all the other tasks having been completed around us by people less willing to get on their hands and knees and pick tiny bits of sticky gunk off the floor. Jason and I painted the floor in ten minutes flat, although I did hit my shoe with the roller so I now have one black toe, and then we retired downstairs for beers kindly provided by Oval House staff who had had to stay much later than their usual fare.

Tow beers later and I realised I had missed all but my last train home. So I had another couple of beers and made my way to Vauxhall for my last train, forty minutes early cos everyone else was leaving, but hey, I was prepared to stick around for a while.

Contrary to my expectations, and to the information I had found on the internet the last train wasn't a train, it was a bus.

Ok - So I'll wait for the fucking bus.

Vauxhall has two sides that a bus could go from, so I looked around for someone to ask. I found a chappy wearing a South West trains jacket, and wandering around looking glum. I asked where to get the bus from. He told me there wasn't a bus. I begged to differ, he agreed that the screens said there was one and told me that I should to to Clapham, as it would be easier to get one from there.

I went back to the platform, where there was a train arriving for Clapham, and pondered what to do.

I figured Clapham couldn't be too bad, as the bus must be a rail replacement service which would therefore of course stop at each station, and if the chap was right and I could indeed get a quicker one from Clapham it would be nice, as I had a get in the next day and I needed to get some sleep.

So I got on the train to Clapham.

Before I go on I would like to make something very clear. NEVER...EVER TRUST someone in uniform in a train station. They are more likely to bend you over and rape you then and there than to give you correct information. Infact, they are more likely to produce your father from an inside pocket, bend him over and do aforesaid, then vanish in a puff of smoke as a ghostly voice begins readin Lord of the Rings to everyone in the station than to give you correct information.

I would also like to say something to that chap who told me to go to Clapham, in case he ever googles Clapham and Buntiful and finds his way to this post.

***look away now if you are not him***

"You are a fucking CUNT you STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE. You deserve to get SPINE CANCER you FUCKING COCKSUCKER."

***you can look back now***

So I got to Clapham and was told that my informant had been incorrect (and probably inbred, hopefully sterile and definately a fucking cretinous scumsack of verminous chavs)

I was helpfully informed that I could get a bus to Wimbledon and then get a cab.Hmmm...I thought.

Or I could just get a fucking cab.

I got a cab, and unlicensed one, as I only realised 9 tenths of the way there, but contrary to the publicity surrounding unlicensed taxi drivers, he didn't try to rape me, or steal anything.

Home at two, two minutes later than the time when my bus would have left Vauxhall.

and...sleep.

[Watch this space for the next installment of my thrilling life.]

In other news, I have a new toy, a Ryobi cordless drill, 14.4v So far it is fucking great.

In yet other news. I have reached over 4000 unique hits! Woo hoo party for me...
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/02/2005 04:37:00 pm

 
England vs Ireland
I feel that the England rugby team are getting a hard deal over on Greg's site, so I have taken it upon meself to try and even things up just a little. Unfortunately I have neither the time, nor the poeticism to bring you impassioned pleas and structured, hyperlinked arguments as Mr O'Daly does, so I am going to link to a review of the game and point out that the press, in the case of a game going badly for England where the fans have been screaming abuse at the ref, will mutter amongst themselves, and print articles pointing out that, while the game went badly, it wasn't the ref's fault. This time was different.
- posted by Buntifer @ 3/02/2005 02:26:00 pm