Nothing doing in the snow...
Hey peeps, hows trix treating you today?

I am currently at work pissing about while my boss interviews for a permanent person for my position. I am blogging and listening to Counting Crows - sometimes work is just too much to take...

And we have a decision to go to Bushy Park, which is just round the corner and we are going to build a snowman at lunchtime, which probably means I will be freezing cold by this afternoon, but we haven't had snow like this for a while...could be fun.. The next play I am doing is set in summer on the coast, so the actors will be freezing out on stage...hehe

Didn't get the job I went to the interview for last week - no change there then...

Editing Legionnaire now that I have my Mother's input, it can be handy having an English teacher in the family - Sci-Fi isn't exactly her genre of choice, but she seemed to like it, which is good. Now I want to have the time to settle down and do that rather than these shows I am involved in, which is frustrating, because I enjoy both, but I am impatient to have Legionnaire in a state where I feel happy letting friends and perhaps even publishers read it...

Running out of brain juice - sleeping badly, or perhaps simply less than I should be, and damn if I can hit the shift key and the "i" key at the same time, every single "I" I seem to type seems to miss the capital, which is annoying, but hardly fatal.

Off now, might update later.

Seeya.
- posted by Buntifer @ 2/25/2005 10:02:00 am

 
The Sandwich, and "Colder than Here"
I was up in town on my own last night - I was meeting the Brunette to go to the theatre, to see Colder than Here at Soho, which Sianodel had been assisting on. The show was very good, amazing set, well-used effects, a nicely poignant piece. The acting was not bad, the father getting my award for being both the funniest and the most tragic person up there. The script could have been slightly better, I think that while the tragicomic moments of the play worked stupendously well, with the audience sitting in that state of wanting to laugh, but feeling that they are more likely to cry if they make a noise, but the bits that were slightly heavier, the more serious parts seemed out of place somewhat. It sounds as if some of the reviews are justified (from what I hear it has had 3 stars across the board) but I came out uplifted and feeling pleasantly settled and very satisfied with the evening. It helped i am sure that there was scenic snow outside down Oxford Street, as i meandered along with my face upturned, crashing into people.

Anyway. What I am really here for is to talk about sandwiches. Actually that was a part of the play i didn't like, the mother/daughter discussion of how they hate people who say the "d" in sandwich and how it should be pronounced "samwich" Ugh! I can't say I pronounce the "d", but I would, like any decent person say "sanwich" at the very least. "Samwich" is unbearable, and must make them taste horrible...

Subway...back to business....proper sandwiches. I had a Subway for supper. I know which Subway sandwich I like, and how I like it. The first time I went into a Subway I was very confused, because I ordered a sandwich off a menu, and then they started asking me what I wanted in it. It's like ordering a Margerita Pizza and then being asked if you want that with dough, tomatoes and cheese? Anyway - on that occasion I muddled through and ended up with an edible, if slightly mixed up sandwich based around an Italian BMT.

Now... over the past couple of years I have refined this into the towering taste-monster of a sandwich I am about to describe. Vegetarians leave now, and anyone who eats the six inch versions should just give up and go to Benjy's.

Right -

Italian BMT - whichever bread you like, although I recommend the cheese and oregano one.

Footlong

Double cheese
Treble Olives
No onions
Jalapenos to taste, but not too many. Asking for "Just a couple" normally does the job.

Everything else

Ask for some more olives again, they never put enough on.

And mayo to top it off. (This could be substituted for something if you hate Mayo, but it will need something just to lubricate the old mastication engine. NO KETCHUP!)

There you have it - the King of Sandwiches, one of which Joey would be proud, and possessive probably. I call it - "the Cheesemongers Anonymous"

Bow down before the sandwich...worship the sandwich....mop up your saliva.....
- posted by Buntifer @ 2/22/2005 11:34:00 am

 
Tsunami Tragedy
So...long after the event I bring you, the poems of scientists...

This poem was sent as a round email where I work...X'ed out for no googling of people who work there. I just thought it was cringeworthingly bad to the point of being funny...

Dear All,

I would like to share my sorrow on the tsunami tragedy as I am from that part of the tragic world today. I should say I am touched by the concerns and support to the victims extended by the British public. Although I am not good at poetry, I have composed one and I am giving below the poetry.

Oh, Indian Ocean!
What wrong did we do?

We went to your beaches to get some wind
You have taken the wind out of us

Our children were happily collecting pebbles
You have reduced them into rubbles

We thought you will nourish us
make our civilisation to flourish
But,You have chosen us to perish

Oh, Indian Ocean!
What wrong did we do?

with kind regards,
Gxxxxxn

Dr.Gxxxxxn Rxxxxxxxxn,
Research Fellow
Theory and High Energy Dosimetry Group
QualXty of LXfe DiXXXion
NaXXXXal PhXXical LabXXXXory
Teddington, Middlesex
XXXXXX
Phone: +044 0208 xxx xxxx

-------------------------------------------------------------------
This e-mail and any attachments may contain confidential and/or
privileged material; it is for the intended addressee(s) only.
If you are not a named addressee, you must not use, retain or
disclose such information.
- posted by Buntifer @ 2/14/2005 02:00:00 pm

 
"Cargo" by Ben Richards
Directed by Mike Longhurst, produced by Eloise Emanual, stage managed by me. Upstairs at the Oval House theatre.

Their site here

Has set off on its perilous run to the 26th of Feb. I am operating sound as well as stage managing.

Three days get in - which is a long time, and we managed not to get everything done in time...which was mainly due to someone changing their mind about the lights more times than was strictly necessary... but we got there in the end.

Preview night last night - before which Jason (the lighting operator) and myself (on sound) had not really had a proper run through the play together in the lighting box - so we were understandably not tremendously confident.

Personally I was pleasantly surprised by how smoothly it ran. All things considered, like the fact that we are fading one set of channels with a twist knob instead of sliders, and that Jason is expected to flip channels and push buttons in time to a piece of music etc etc, coupled to the fact that the operating booth is built for one small person, and Jason and I are both in there, and neither of us is particularly slight, I think we did quite well.

Tonight I am forbidding him to bring his Doritos into the box, 1) Doritos, or in fact any kind of crisp, are not really an option when operating a show from a box which is right in the space, and 2) Cheesy Doritos smell of feet, and the bag was right next to my head. It smelt like both of us had jogged to the Oval House and then decided to do the show with our shoes off...

Preset - I am never going to be able to look a chocolate muffin in the face again after this show. Four immigrants in the back of a lorry, using a bucket as a toilet. At the end of the show **spoiler ahead** one of them gets the bucket upended over him, and is then suffocated to death with the shit...nice...

So I have to preset the shit in the bucket - which is made of chocolate muffins ground up with water. To be fair, it was worth it to see the absolute horror on the audiences faces as a big fat blob of glup scoots out of the bucket onto the guy's chest, before being mashed into his mouth during the fight scene. One of the actresses suggested the ladies involved in the show should volunteer to clean off the actor (who is fairly well formed with his shirt off) by eating the chocolate. Another reason for me to not like eating chocolate muffins.

On the plus side - it looks like being a good show, which is nice - although it takes off slowly, the tension builds, and while Croatian accents slip every so often, the acting is pretty good and the drama builds to a powerful end as they **spoilers ahead** all suffocate to death. (only one of them on shit)

In other news - I have found out what KY jelly is for...not in it s "usual" use, but in a theatre...and no Mark, I am not referring to your Noddy and Bigears story.

A while back I was doing a show in the Blue Elephant in Camberwell, and we were just teching, getting in and fixingup the space prior to the arrival of the actors. I had been directed to the DSM's tool case to find a drill bit and was rummaging through it when I came across what can only be described as an industrial (or "family") size tube of KY. The DSM was a sweet girl, and whatever her sexual preferences might be I wasn't sure why she kept KY in the tool case, which was open access to anyone helping with the get in. I surmised that there must be some other use for it, but having asked around the Directors, Actors and Technicians of various sorts I have met since then, found that none of them knew what KY might be used for in a theatre environment...other than the usual I suppose.

Anyway, it turns out that KY can be used to preset in an ashtray instead of sand, making it invisible and fireproof. A huge weight lifts off my mind, and I can now consider giving the girl's number out to people who are looking for a stage manager. I perhaps should also contact the other people I gave it to, and let them know that if they ask her whether she is into SM that she might take it the wrong way...


The next show I am down to do is called Break Away and looks like being a lighter piece altogether, although still dark, but darkly humourous, which is more my style. I am looking forward to getting back into the Finborough, which is the most friendly fringe venue I have encountered so far, and has a lighting box you can actually stand up in (the one at the Oval house is too low to stand in - theatre designers take note - this is a bad idea, a cranky technician is a bad technician, and a technician who has a crick in their neck is likely to sit on the floor or to punch buttons in anger) it also has a pub downstairs, which is good for thosse moments where the Director is really getting on your tits. The nearest pub from the Oval House is only a five minute walk, but that can be considered deserting one's post, whereas downstairs one is simply refreshing oneself with a cool hop based beverage...

Right - the fact that I have been away for Monday and Tuesday and part of Wednesday this week means I have a backlog of work - so enough of this foolishness - I must make sure I have nothing to do by tomorrow, because by then the sleep deprivation forced upon me will have reached its zenith and I will be nothing more than walking dead. In fact if Jason and I fuck up the sound for press night tonight we might not even be walking...

Rock and roll folks...
- posted by Buntifer @ 2/10/2005 09:33:00 am

 
I googled my name and found these links...
This bugger's changed his name!

This one, with his and hers credits...aaah!

My proudest moment...

A review on Amazon!

And this one, which funnily enough comes up first?

Very bizarre...
- posted by Buntifer @ 2/02/2005 01:01:00 pm

 
In the name of boredom at work...
Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I used to have a hamster tree,
But it was eaten by a newt,
And now I have no cuddly fruit
Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I used to have a hamster tree.

Oh woe is I, oh woe is I,
I used to have a porridge pie,
But it was stolen by some stoats,
And now I have no pastried oats.
Oh woe is I, Oh woe is I,
I used to have a porridge pie.

Oh woe is us, Oh woe is us,
We used to have a worried bus,
But it was given therapy,
And now it's fucking off its tree,
Oh woe is us, Oh woe is us,
We used to have a worried bus.

Oh woe is they, oh woe is they,
They used to have a pet stingray,
But it was made from string and glue,
And it got wet, now it looks poo.
Oh woe is they, oh woe is they,
They used to have a pet stingray.

Oh woe is she, oh woe is he,
They used to have some LSD,
But it was taken by a cat,
That now thinks it is Chow Yun Fat,
Oh woe is she, oh woe is he,
They used to have some LSD.

Oh woe is it, Oh woe is it,
It used to have an Airfix kit,
But glue has leaked, and pieces stuck,
And now the kit's completely fucked.
Oh woe is it, oh woe is it,
It used to have an Airfix kit.

Oh woe is you, Oh woe is you,
You used to know just what to do,
But since then you have lost your mind,
And it is difficult to find,
Oh woe is you, oh woe is you,
You used to know just what to do.

Oh woe is them, oh woe is them,
They used to have a magic gem,
but it was dispelled by a mage,
And that drove them into a rage,
Oh woe is them, oh woe is them,
They used to have a magic gem.

Oh woe is Pete, and woe is Jane,
They used to have a jelly plane,
but it was eaten by some guy,
And now they have no means to fly,
Oh woe is Pete, oh woe is Jane,
They used to have a jelly plane.

Oh woe is thou, oh woe is thou,
Thy used to have a super cow,
But it was slaughtered for its silk,
And now thy hast no magic milk,
Oh woe is thou, oh woe is thou,
They used to have a super cow.

Oh woe is Mike, Oh woe is Mike,
He used to have a motorbike,
But it was eaten by a phony,
And now he has to use shank's pony,
Oh woe is Mike, oh woe is Mike
He used to have a motorbike.

Oh woe is Murray Lachlan Young,
He used to have his praises sung,
But now he's past his mental peak,
And now he can no longer speak,
Oh woe is Murray Lachlan Young,
He used to have his praises sung.

Oh woe is John, Paul, George and Ringo,
They used to be experts at bingo,
but then two of their number died,
and talent left, although they tried,
Oh woe is John, Paul, George and Ringo,
They used to be experts at bingo.

Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I'm rapidly leaving my tree,
My job is shit, and fucking dull,
I might as well have gone to Hull,
Oh woe is me, oh woe is me,
I'm rapidly leaving my tree.

Oh woe is, I Oh woe is I,
I'm going fucking crazy,
I t'ought I saw a puddy tat,
And found that I ...

Oh fuck it.


I will put money on the fact that neither of my readers will bother, but post some more of these in comments...
- posted by Buntifer @ 2/02/2005 10:26:00 am

 
Well hello there...
Right. Still no internet access at home, however, still not much work at work, so here I am again, with an actual blog this time, rather than an article I pinched off someone else's site. It was a good article, and I received about as much interest in it as I do for my blogs, so I feel bad for the guy who wrote it. I probably decreased his readership...ah well..

Internet status at home is on its way. We have ditched Tesco, who frankly should go back to tinned tomatoes and leave cyberspace the fuck alone. I would certainly never advise anyone to get a loan from them, let alone a mortgage. In order to have a mortgage you probably have to become homeless before they can start putting it in motion for you, and then it is gonna take them three weeks to actually find out if you can have it...god forbid if more than three people want one in the same county - because that will mean a further delay of three weeks. In fact, if we multiplied up the time it takes them with the costs involved... say a mortgage of 200000 pounds - not unreasonable for buying a house in London. We were trying to give them 20 pounds, so perhaps it might take 10000 times longer, which would be 30000 weeks, a little over 576 years...

Fools...

So we have gone with Tiscali - a company who deals with broadband both quickly and efficiently it seems, and have moved their prices to make sure that they are the best on the market. BT were 23.99 with 15Gb limit on the download, Tesco were 19.99 for the same speed and no limits, plus some software and some web space etc, Tiscali are 19.99 for the same as Tesco, but if you agree to make your phone calls through them it goes down to 17.99 and the STILL guarentee to beat BT on any call rates, international, national and mobile.

Hmmm...

I'm kind of glad we sacked Tesco off. They may be good at supermarching, but they suck ass at Broadbanding.

In other news, I am re-engaged at the Finborough, for another show there. Unpaid, but it might be fun. I am sooooooo bored at my job that I might quit, as my birthday approaches, which I do fairly often. It feels like another year clicking over even more than New Year does, and I can rarely bear to be in a shitty job over my birthday - especially when it is mid-week.

We shall see - and so shall my workplace. They are still measuring things, but the week starting 7th Feb has the canteen in a swirl - it is "Eat Gordon Ramsey Week"

Now I was expecting Roast Ramsey with added wrinkles, followed by Stewed Ramsey with Prunes and Scowls, and was all prepared to ask for my Ramsey steak "blue" in memory to the chef's famously foul mouth (which apparently they had to remove prior to cooking lest it taint the food, but boringly enough they are just preparing to follow some of his recipes.

Loin of Pork Chouxcroute and Mustard Sauce

Apple, Prune and Butterscotch Compote

being two of the viler sounding concoctions. I think I will stick with my sandwiches, and I am forbidding anyone who wishes to sit in my office from trying the prune and butterscotch...

Molesworth kno wot prunes ar like, and I trust him implisitly as to the tastes of catered food...kno wot I mean?

Anyroad - if you haven't been to see "A Very Long Engagement" yet, see it now. Stop what you are doing and go to your local cinema. The same applies for "Closer" if you haven't seen that. If you haven't seen either a pleasant afternoon awaits, and the admiration of your boss as you admit that you stormed out yesterday to see two the of the best films around at the moment without asking for permission.

If you haven't seen "Meet the Fockers" frankly, don't bother. The funny bits are in the trailer.

As far as "Team America: World Police" goes, don't go see it, it should have been so much better. Matt Stone and Trey Parker - you should be ashamed of yourselves. Now Matt Damon will never live his puppet down - that was very funny - as was "I'm so ronery!" but the message - waah! Where were you guys going with that? What the fuck is up? "South Park: The Movie" was good - some might even say great [not me personally, sorry guys] but Team America propounds the view that yes American's can be assholes when they invade other people's countries for no go[oil]od reason and kill huge numbers of innocent civilians for the same aforementioned not very go[oilod reason - but to say that they are doing the right thing is ridiculous. See below.

Yes, it makes bombing/blowing up/maiming civilians seem very amusing, and that is something that Stone and Parker have always done very well, made unnecessary violence seem funny - and it is, when they do it, but please... we are not all idiots - if there is a directors cut out there which can only be released to anti americans - let us have it - because the original situates you slightly above Anthony Blair in President George W Bush's lower alimentary canal.

Still....MAt dAMoN was very funny - I'm not sure I will be able to watch the Bourne Supremacy now without making spastic noises all the way through, Oceans 12 is definately out...

"Matt Damon's now being quoted as saying that he'd give a million dollars to get Kerry into the White House."


Now I am starting to wonder if they picked on him for a reason?

They lampooned Clooney as well..who was a well known Kerry supporter


Hmmm...am I seeing conspiracy theories everywhere? Or are they really out to get us?

- posted by Buntifer @ 2/01/2005 09:36:00 am